More like revolving death trap

The person who invented the revolving door must die.

The building I work in has a few revolving doors, and then a few normal doors. They encourage but do not force people to use the revolving ones. I try to be a good person and use the revolving doors–I understand they probably help save energy and money or whatever by keeping the lobby temperature fairly steady. But I’m not sure that this is a good enough reason to subject people to these things on a daily basis.

And the reason is that the revolving door often involves other people. Sometimes it depends on other people. That is why it is the worst idea ever. I just want to go from the outside to the inside, or vice versa. I should not have to be subjected to the whim of the person in front of me in the door, like they are some demented gatekeeper. Because they set the speed of the door until they exit. And I’ve found that a lot of people like to push the door really fucking slowly. Also, they do not appreciate it when you try to push the door at your own, faster pace. I only tried it once, and it was a slow acceleration to try and give them time to adjust to a normal walking speed instead of a zombie plodding speed. Instead they looked at me like I had just beaten their dog. So I don’t do that anymore. Instead I suffer in silence and then come and be passive-aggressive on the Internet.

Anyway, any idea that hinges on people being able to do two things at once (move forward AND push something), when most people can barely think and breathe at the same time, is obviously terrible. I’m sick of getting stuck behind Slowpoke McGee in the revolving door. It makes me regret choosing that door and trying to be energy efficient instead of just using the normal fucking door and getting dirty looks from the security guards. I’ll take the dirty looks; at least it won’t take me twenty minutes to get into the building.

You know what else isn’t cute about revolving doors? When someone with a suitcase or other big bag tries to use them. Or when someone lets their child try to push the doors. Or when multiple people enter the same section of the doors. The only purpose these things serve is to GIVE ME AN ANEURYSM. If you have a bag–there is a normal door like two feet to the left or right. Use that. If you have a child–let them think they’re pushing the door, but please do it yourself. Especially when it’s the door to a building in which people WORK. If you just want to let your kid play in the door, go to Macy’s and stop wasting my time. And so help me, if another group of teenagers thinks it’s fun to try and see how many of them can fit in one tiny section of the door, I will make them regret that poor life choice.

Hm. Suddenly the idea of a revolving death trap doesn’t sound so bad.

Update: My friend just told me about how she got stuck in a revolving door once because the person in front of her accidentally jammed it with a carpet upon his exit. THIS IS ALL THE PROOF I NEED. They are death traps.


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