Feel My Wrath: British Petroleum

I’m sure most of you are sick of hearing about this fucking disastrous oil spill. Guess what? So am I. It’s been going on six weeks. Let me repeat that: SIX WEEKS.

In that time, and even before then, BP has done pretty much everything wrong. They blatantly ignored warning signs. They supposedly coerced survivors of the explosion to sign statements saying they weren’t injured and didn’t see the blast. They didn’t have contingency plans. And then their CEO says “I would like my life back” in his initial apology (which he has since apologized for. If you have to apologize for an apology, YOU ARE DOING IT WRONG). Are you fucking kidding me? 11 people died in the explosion, and the leak has been going on for SIX FUCKING WEEKS. You know who else wants their life back? Those 11 people who died because you’re an idiot, Tony Hayward. Also, all the animals getting covered in oil, and the entire ecosystem that’s being affected right now by what is surely the most epic failure in the history of your industry.

And did you know that BP didn’t even boom the Gulf Coast properly to prevent the oil from reaching shore? So what the fuck have they done right so far?

Not a damned thing. And we’re supposed to feel like they’re trying their hardest? Sorry, not buying it. You assholes ignored information saying that things weren’t right on that rig, and you also clearly didn’t plan for this worst-case scenario. This is the type of thing where you have plans upon plans lined up to deal with it swiftly and immediately. You do not sit around for a week trying to point blame back and forth. This is the fucking ENTIRE OCEAN you are ruining by being STUPID ASSHOLES. Get your shit together.

And once you do, you all need to fucking resign. Also, you should all be required to sell every last one of your assets (yes, all your cars and houses, oh no!) to pay for this fucking cleanup and its repercussions. And then most of you should be thrown in jail for gross negligence and manslaughter (YES, BECAUSE YOU IGNORED INFORMATION THAT COULD HAVE SAVED LIVES). How many times does shit like this need to happen, albeit in different settings, before someone says “Gee, maybe we shouldn’t ignore this stack of data saying that things could go really fucking seriously wrong if we don’t put in an effort to improve the situation?” Yeah, it might cost a butt load of money, BUT IT WILL PAY OFF BY NOT RUINING THE FUCKING PLANET (or by not causing a space shuttle to explode, etc.).

I am fucking sick of shit like this happening. As far as I’m concerned, none of the people in control of BP should ever get their lives back. They should be sad assholes for eternity, with no friends and no money and no happiness. Where I’m from, we fucking fix the problems we cause and we admit when we screwed up big time. We don’t constantly try to get out of things by saying it was someone else’s fault.

So BP, and especially Tony Hayward: Feel my fucking wrath. If I ever run into any of you assholes, I will punch you so hard you’ll go back in time and make the right fucking choice to fix the Deepwater Horizon rig before it kills people and becomes this giant disaster.

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