That is the exact opposite of what you mean

Breaking news: Specific words have specific meanings.

I know, I know, I just shattered your world. But I’m not sorry. Because this bullshit has got to stop.

You know what I don’t find amusing? When I am told one thing by someone when they mean the opposite. Everyone has probably heard someone rant about the usage of literally vs. figuratively, so I’m not going to talk about that here (at least right now). But I have a prime example of something even stupider.

Anyone who knows me (and now even people who don’t!) knows that the only sport I give a shit about is tennis. It’s the sport that I grew up playing with my dad, grandfather and grandmother. I played on the team in middle school, high school and college. I watch every Grand Slam I can. I go to the US Open as often as possible. I’ve even been to Wimbledon once. I love this sport.

When Significant Other and I moved, we decided to ditch cable, because let’s face it: It’s fucking expensive and most shows you can watch on Hulu and most movies you can get from Netflix. So why pay $100/month for channels we’re never going to watch? It doesn’t make sense.

For those who don’t know, Wimbledon is going on right now. And the semifinals were yesterday and today and the finals are this weekend. Today, I wanted to watch the matches instead of just seeing the live scores, but NBC owns the airing rights in the U.S. to, I believe, all the Grand Slams. WORST IDEA EVER. Here’s why:

So much lying!

Lies, lies and more lies

They are liars.

You may wonder what exactly is wrong with this image. Well, lucky for you I’m here to fucking break it down. First off, Wimbledon takes place in England, which is FIVE HOURS AHEAD of the U.S. Often the matches start in the late morning/early afternoon U.K. time.

Do you see the problem yet? No? Let me break it down even further.

I took this screencap today around 11AM U.S. time. After the first men’s semifinal match had concluded and the second semifinal match was about to start. But NBC says their “live” stream schedule is 12-5 Eastern Time.

HOW IS THAT LIVE?! Breaking news: It isn’t live if it’s shown on a fucking delay, assholes. That is the exact opposite of the meaning of “live”. At first I thought maybe there had to be a delay to account for transmitting the signal across the ocean, but that’s bullshit. Today, the first semifinal match started at 8AM ET time (1PM at Wimbledon). But NBC wasn’t offering “live” streaming until 12PM (5PM at Wimbledon).

Hm. That’s an interesting use of the word live.

Then I thought, maybe they’ll be showing the second semifinal live, even though they’d be picking it up after the start. So I checked around 1PM (at the same time watching the live score update on Wimbledon’s website, so I knew that they were in the third set at this point). Lo and behold, NBC is showing the second set, which had ended about 30 minutes earlier, and for which I ALREADY KNEW THE RESULT. What the fuck?

THAT IS NOT WHAT “LIVE” MEANS. YOU ARE SHOWING THE VIDEO ON A DELAY. YOU ARE NOT FOOLING ANYONE.*

Now, I can understand why people sometimes use a word incorrectly. It still drives me crazy, but I certainly do not have impeccable grammar in conversation, so I don’t expect other people to (although that is slightly different than using a word incorrectly, but my point is I’m not as much of a stickler during conversation). But a corporation like NBC should be able to invest in a fucking dictionary in order to figure this shit out. Hell, they don’t even need to BUY a dictionary now. There are multiple websites that serve as dictionaries! So NBC is pretty much just a bunch of fucking liars and/or lazy assholes at this point. I clicked on their video link expecting to see LIVE VIDEO, and instead it was a set behind the action. A WHOLE SET. Not even like two or three games, which could be chalked up to an unavoidable delay because of distance. But this is just NBC being a bunch of assholes. Or, if for some reason their five-hour delay really is unavoidable (HA, try to convince me of THAT), they should MAKE THAT CLEAR. Because right now they just come across as liars or idiots, or both.

But aside from the fact that they are using the wrong word, they also need to get with reality. Breaking news: It is 2010. There is no excuse to 1) be lying about “live” video and 2) purposely delay your coverage just to be assholes to people who do not have cable. This actually doesn’t make me want to purchase cable and it certainly does not endear NBC to me. SO THERE IS NO FUCKING POINT TO THIS STRATEGY, except to make me glad that I don’t pay for NBC anymore.

I’m tempted to purchase a pocket dictionary and send it to NBCSport’s office. Although I wonder if anyone there would even know what it was or how to use it.

*Okay, maybe they’re fooling really stupid people, but that hardly counts.

EDIT: Oh look, The New York Times agrees with me! SUCK ON THAT, NBC!

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