Clearly your time is more important than mine

If there is one thing I’ve gotten sick of quickly since living in the suburbs, it is people who think their time is more important than everyone else’s.

I mostly see this while I’m driving, but I also see it at stores or when I’m catching the train to or from cesspool city. In other words: I see it everywhere, and I am fucking over it. It annoys me the most when I’m driving because that’s where it’s most dangerous.

I have seen people do the dumbest shit ever recently, including someone trying to drive between the lanes on a two-lane highway when the cars in both the fast and slow lane were going too slow for their tastes. Luckily since this asshole was in a giant SUV (sorry, I have never met an asshole who didn’t drive an SUV. Just saying), their car couldn’t actually fit between the lanes and thus they had to pick one like the rest of us mortals. But can you even wrap your mind around that? Someone was trying to drive in the space that’s left between the cars in either lane. That space is barely big enough for a motorcycle on the BEST days. That’s even worse than trying to use the shoulder as a passing lane. What the fuck were they thinking?

I can tell you exactly what they were fucking thinking. They were thinking their time is way more important than everyone else’s. That they deserve to get to their destination faster than the rest of us because they are obviously the most important person on the planet. And they certainly don’t have time to waste being stuck in traffic like the rest of us!

Fuck you. I don’t want to die because you don’t give a shit about anyone other than yourself. Because all it takes is one minor distraction while you’re pulling a stupid stunt like that, and suddenly my car is totaled and I’m in the ICU. Well, you can forget that shit. Look, I want to get where I’m going too. We all do. But it’s assholes like YOU that ruin it for the rest of us by doing this stupid shit, then getting in an accident and causing massive traffic. So cut it out.

Now granted, this incident didn’t happen directly to me; I just saw it. But I’ve had plenty of similar things happen. I’ve had people try to pass me at the last minute before their exit and then have to cut in front of me so suddenly in order to make it that I have to slam on my brakes. Really, asshole? You couldn’t wait a whole five seconds for the exit ramp to come up and just use it from the slow lane like everyone else? You had to almost kill me just to get around me and exit two second earlier? I hope every fucking light you encounter for the rest of your life is the longest red light ever.

I also had two similar incidents happen in the same day NOT on the highway. For the first, I was stopped at a light waiting to make a right (no turn on red, boo). The light turned green, and I’m making the right, when the person across the intersection from me blasts forward and makes a left, cutting me off and almost hitting me just to…be ahead of me at the next red light. Really, asshole? I was the only one making a right at the time, so it’s not like you would have had to wait much longer to make your turn. But no, you almost had to smash into my car because you’re fucking impatient. Breaking news: You’re not the most important person in the world. Get the fuck over it. Also, just for future reference, I had the fucking right of way, so if there HAD been an accident, you would have paid for everything. Luckily I already don’t trust anyone, so I was prepared for you to do something heinously stupid.

The other incident that happened the same day was after picking Significant Other up from work. We were coming up on a red light, so I was slowing down (I must be crazy, since I prefer to come to a slow stop instead of blazing up to the stoplight and then slamming on my brakes to just barely avoid hitting the car(s) in front of me!). I was going to pull into the left lane when I came up on it in order to make a left a the light. The guy BEHIND ME comes racing up and then tries to get into the left lane first when there was no left lane yet. He was riding on the double yellow line! Then I signal and move over, and he almost rear-ends me. Breaking news: Sorry asshole, but you were the one breaking the law. What possesses these people to do not only stupid but also obviously dangerous things? You can’t get into a lane that DOESN’T EXIST. And the light is RED, so what good does it do you to race ahead? Fuck off.

The only benefit was that I got to watch through my rear-view mirror as he ranted about me. To himself, since there was no one else in his car. Complete with gesticulating. It was kind of hysterical. But it doesn’t excuse his fucking poor decision-making skills. I’ve ranted about road etiquette before, but as long as people are going the speed limit and following traffic laws, they will be safe from my wrath. This shit is just ridiculously stupid.

But it isn’t just for people driving, oh no. The other day, catching my connecting train from here to cesspool city, coming down the escalator, some guy steps all over me and practically shoves me out of the way to catch the train. Let me clarify how fucking stupid and unnecessary this was: Connecting trains in that direction run every five minutes during rush hour. What the fuck, dude? I need to get to work just as badly as you do, and yet I am not stepping on people and shoving them out of my way. Get the fuck over yourself and learn a little bit of patience.

So I’m fucking sick of being almost killed on the road and crushed underfoot as a pedestrian. Everyone needs to get a damn grip on themselves. You are not so important that if you accidentally kill someone in a car crash, you won’t suffer repercussions. Is getting to the stop light ten seconds before me really worth risking your life and the lives of the people in the cars around you? Is catching the train five minutes before me really worth shoving me out of the way and knocking into people? Maybe you should try leaving your house five minutes earlier so you don’t have to fucking rush around like nobody else matters.

There are over 6 billion people on the planet. I don’t know why you think you’re the most special and important of them all, because the odds are not in your favor. So take a deep fucking breath, because your time is not more important than someone else’s life.

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