Archive for August, 2010

Free time, where did that go?

So I fully intended for last week to be my glorious blog return, but then work started kicking my ass again, basically sucking away all of my fucking free time.

I remember when work was work and it stayed at the office, and home was home and you got to do whatever the hell you wanted, and never did the two meet. And while working from home most the time is a pretty sweet deal, please believe me when I say it also has its drawbacks.

Pro: The cats sleep on my desk and otherwise add some levity to my day (when they aren’t pooing where they shouldn’t be, that is).
Con: I essentially am working ALL THE FUCKING TIME.

Pro: I don’t have to worry about looking busy when I have nothing to do.
Con: I essentially am working ALL THE FUCKING TIME.

All I’m saying is, I’d like my free time back, thanks. Or a raise. More money will make up for my sleep deprivation and general increased crankiness. I always said I could never create time to make up for the Space Crew’s idiocy, but it’s starting to feel like that’s what I’m doing.

So, anyway, bear with me if my posts are a bit scarce. I have no intentions of abandoning the blog, as I enjoy myself a good rant. Work is just seeping into every crevice of my life right now (even my blog, gah!). But someday I’ll reclaim my free time, and then my rants will resound off the walls of the Internet once again.

In the meantime, you’ll have to deal with my sporadic rants. I have some good ones saved up, though, so when I get a chance to really make a post, there’s some hilarity in store.

But right now I’m working, at the real job I get paid (not enough) to do.


The Anger Ball vs. Wednesday: Pt. 14

Never one to be deterred by defeat, I rallied this week, determined to at least put up a fight, to let Wednesday know our feud is not over.

And Wednesday, fool that she is, let herself be lulled into complacency because of her last two crushing victories.

Or perhaps she let me have this week in an attempt to get me to let my guard down. Either way, I won this round, and I will not be outsmarted.

There are also potentially good things on the horizon, which I will keep secret to keep Wednesday from becoming aware. The ability for a sneak attack could be useful in the future, and I have seen just how brutal Wednesday is willing to get in order to defeat me. So I have to be prepared, and keep my future plans under tight wraps.

Let’s just say this week was a victory, and I envision more victories in the future.

The Anger Ball: 6
Wednesday: 4.5

I don’t want to see your ass at work

Earlier this year, my office instated a new summer dress code. Now, before I get into it, my office is pretty casual anyway. I wear dress pants and button-down shirts, but mostly because otherwise I’d have no place else to wear them and they’re about half of my wardrobe. But my office is casual: people wear jeans and t-shirts. People even fucking wear flip-flops, which I think is disgusting, but whatever.

However, in the summer in previous years, we were not allowed to wear shorts of any kind (not that that stopped people, let me tell you). This year, they relaxed the policy to: you can wear Bermuda-length shorts on Fridays or days when the forecasted temperature is over 90. Here are some examples of Bermuda-length shorts, but generally they fall at the knee or just above the knee. JUST SO WE’RE CLEAR.

At first I thought this was a great idea, because men kind of got a shitty deal under the old dress code. Women can wear skirts (and some women in my office wear REALLY SHORT SKIRTS, ugh) in the summer, but men were stuck wearing pants. So hey, this shorts policy is a little more fair, right?

But it is so, so unfair to my eyeballs.

The problem is that now people are dressing like they’re fucking going to the beach instead of the office: ratty t-shirts and shorts and flip-flops. Really? I mean, I know the office is casual, but do you really want to look like a beach bum? You can’t even wear sneakers? I mean, the office is like -5 degrees with the AC, so who cares if it’s 100 degrees outside anyway? But you need to maximize your assault on my eyes by showing every bit of skin you can? Ugh. Nothing is more gross than seeing some person’s hairy toes splaying off their flip-flops as they parade around your office. And I don’t know, I mean, when I have worn shorts to the office, I’ve made sure they’re at least nice-looking shorts. Khaki or a solid color of some kind, not plaid and fashionably torn up or something. But most the time I just wear dress pants anyway because my office is fucking freezing.

But far more offensive to anyone with even a little bit of decorum is the people who apparently are illiterate. What I mean is that more than once, I have seen someone in the office wearing what are essentially booty shorts (warning: link contains images not safe for work, if you give a shit). Remember how I said the dress code is for Bermuda shorts? I mean, there’s at least a 6-inch difference in length there, and I’m being conservative in my guesstimation. I know Bermuda and booty both start with “b,” but let’s be serious here: When is it ever OK to show your ass at work? Unless you are a stripper or a hooker, keep your ass out of sight at all times. Even if for some reason you thought the dress code said “booty shorts” (and wouldn’t you double-check that anyway?), why would you want to show your ass at work?

And trust me, most the people at my office don’t have an ass worth looking at anyway. So I definitely don’t want it hanging out in plain sight.

The most fucking unbelievable thing is I’ve seen this happen more than once. So are these people not being reprimanded even though they are assaulting the rest of us with their poor life choices? Or are they just disregarding all warnings? And if it’s the latter, why can’t they be fired? I mean, doesn’t that show a distinct inability to follow directions? PLEASE FIRE THESE ASSHOLES. I DON’T WANT TO HAVE TO STAB MY EYES OUT.

It just doesn’t seem right. I’m forced to deal with people’s poor clothing choices when I’m out in public, so you would think I’d get a reprieve in my office, where people are WORKING and should dress like they are AT WORK. I am all for a casual office; I like to wear jeans on Fridays or whatever. But I was unaware my office had become stripper central.

I also wonder what the point is of having a dress code if it’s not enforced. How bad does the violation have to be before someone’s going to suffer some kind of penalty? I consider having your ass hanging out of your shorts at work to be a pretty egregious offense, not to mention a fucking disgusting sight, and yet these assholes are often repeat offenders. Do they need to be completely naked before anyone’s going to say something to them?

I mean, I would say something, but it would probably involve a lot of cursing and gesticulating, and it would probably get me fired. It might be worth it even then, but something tells me I’d be fired and the offender would show up the next day in a thong without a care in the world.

For once, I would like the assholes to have to suffer for their blatant disregard of the rules. They only do it because 9 times out of 10 they can get away with it. But the rules should apply to everybody, and I don’t see why they don’t, especially in this case. To my knowledge, there is no medical condition for which you are required to wear booty shorts OR YOU WILL DIE. And if there is, then these assholes should have doctor’s notes.

Actually, maybe I’ll get a doctor’s note. I’m allergic to people with poor taste in clothing and no self-respect. May I be excused?

Feel My Wrath: “Celebrities”

Do you remember when people had to have a fucking talent of some kind to be considered a celebrity? Because I do, and I miss those days every fucking minute of my life.

I’m sick of seeing “news” about all these “celebrities” and their “shenanigans.” And yes, I’m using the quotes correctly, because they are not celebrities and it is not news nor shenanigans. But what really gets me is that none of these assholes even has a fucking talent or skill. Most of them were on some stupid-ass “reality” TV show for .5 seconds and now for some reason their every move is considered worthy of a headline. Half of those assholes can’t even do drugs well, not to mention act or sing or whatever legitimate skill they pretend to have.

And I’m purposely not mentioning any of these people by name because I don’t want them to have the satisfaction of getting publicity and seeing my blog when they Google their own names. I’m sure you all can think of at least a dozen “celebrities” that fit this situation. Nowadays, some of these assholes weren’t even on TV at all in any way—some of them are just children of legitimately talented and famous people. I guess it works like royal blood did (or still does in some countries). You don’t need to have a skill or talent or even be particularly good-looking. If your parents are famous, you will be famous.

But you know what? I’m fucking sick to death of hearing all about these assholes. I miss the days when an actor or actress actually had to be talented in order to be in movies and make money. Or when a musician had to be able to sing or play an instrument (OR BOTH! CRAZY, I KNOW). Now, most people pay to see performers who LIPSYNCH at their concerts. Breaking news: That’s called karaoke, and you can do it yourself for a lot less money.

And what does it say about society in general that most of us are apparently obsessed with these assholes and their talent-less lives? I mean, I don’t give two shits, and in fact am extremely enraged by these fake celebrities (which should be obvious), but it seems a majority of people want to know every step these “celebrities” make. Even if it’s just going out to lunch. Breaking news: EVERYONE DOES THAT. WHY IS IT ON TV? It’s not a newsworthy event! But apparently enough people care that it gets these shows ratings, so of course they’re going to keep talking about all this inanity.

I just don’t fucking get it. I just want to know when actors I like are in a new movie, or when musicians I like are going to perform near me. I DON’T NEED TO KNOW WHERE THEY EAT LUNCH. I DO NOT CARE. And why the fuck does everyone else care? And even worse, why do they care about a “celebrity” who has no more talent than your anonymous next-door neighbor? Here’s some advice, free of charge because I’m nice like that: Stop trying to live vicariously through these assholes and live YOUR OWN FUCKING LIFE INSTEAD.

Or at the very least, if you are going to live vicariously through someone, at least pick someone with a fucking iota of talent. I know the idea of all these talentless assholes becoming “celebrities” really excites some people because the idea of being famous for doing nothing is appealing to lazy assholes, but I’m hoping this will come full circle and in a few years nobody will remember these “celebrities” and we can get back to people who are actually worthy of our attention for one reason or another.

The other reason it enrages me is because these people aren’t only famous, but they’re getting rich off this shit. These “celebrities” are literally being paid for NOTHING. They have no talent, and apparently that is worthy of millions of dollars. It’s fucking ridiculous.

You know what? I take it all back. Their talent is clearly tricking the rest of us into thinking they deserve all this money for doing nothing. But you know what? THEY AREN’T EVEN GOOD AT THAT. Because here I am, and there are other people like me, who see them for what they really are: a nobody.

So please, “celebrities,” please fade back into obscurity. It would be the greatest thing you could ever do. And hey, you might even be good at it (although I wouldn’t hold my breath)!

The Anger Ball vs. Wednesday: Pts. 12 & 13

I know I’ve been slacking on the blog lately, and those keen observers might have guessed why: Wednesday.

She’s a vicious opponent, and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. I thought I had gained the upper hand in our epic battle, but last week proved me wrong. She ground me into the dirt, friends, until I was barely a speck upon the planet. But she had help. I’ve been used to her dragging Tuesday into our mess on a regular basis. But this time, she dragged all six of her friends into it. Yes, even my beloved Saturday and Sunday were on her side; I can only assume she blackmailed them to gain their participation.

I was far outnumbered, and though I fought valiantly, I was defeated. I vowed that this week would be different; I was sure Saturday and Sunday wouldn’t cross me again. I was wrong.

Now, it’s true that this time around, she so far has not seemed to have gained the help of Thursday, although I am at the ready for a sudden strike late in the game. Wednesday’s reach is greater than I thought; I don’t know how she manipulates the others, but she does it and I must be ready for it.

Although she defeated me two weeks in a row, so badly that I hadn’t the energy to relay the story to you until now, I am not finished with her. Each battle reveals more about her workings, more ways to defeat her. And so, while I may be tired, I will continue on. I will create more cunning plans. I will make her pay.

The Anger Ball: 5
Wednesday: 4.5

In which I suck at keeping a blog

For those that don’t follow my twitter, I took a hiatus last week. Real life is being an asshole right now, so the last thing on my mind is raging on the Internet. But don’t worry, I’m keeping a list of all the things I want to rant about once I have some time to breathe again. FEAR NOT, THE ANGER BALL WILL RETURN.

In fact, I planned to return today, and then got sidetracked by various real-life things. Hopefully tomorrow I will RETURN FOR REAL.

It’s better this way. Now you have time to prepare yourself. You’re welcome.

If I get smallpox, I’m going to be pissed

Today I’d like to talk about a little concept called herd immunity. I know it sounds like I’m talking about cows, but I’m not. I’m talking about the assholes who don’t vaccinate their children.

Now, I’ll preface this by saying that there are plenty of parents who have valid reasons for not vaccinating their children, such as allergies or some medical risk. But they are advised by a DOCTOR on this decision. In recent years, with people apparently getting progressively stupider over time, parents have just been deciding randomly not to get their child vaccinated against things like smallpox and whooping cough with no valid reason. Sure, there’s been that rumor that vaccinations cause autism, but it has been revealed as bullshit time and time again. But for some reason some parents are still convinced that their child will die from being vaccinated. Breaking news: Actually, they’ll probably die from NOT being vaccinated. Just FYI. And if you have real concerns, DISCUSS THEM WITH YOUR DOCTOR.

The reason I bring this up at all is because instances of whooping cough are increasing. This is one of those diseases that herd immunity is supposed to protect us from. Herd immunity means that enough of the general populace is immunized that it protects the few people who, for whatever LEGITIMATE reason, cannot be immunized (or at least lessens the likelihood those people will get infected). But when people start deciding randomly that they don’t want themselves or their kids to be immunized, suddenly the protection evaporates. In fact, it’s more likely that someone else will die when someone doesn’t immunize their children. Because there are babies that are too young to get the vaccinations yet, or people who have compromised immune systems and/or can’t get immunized. It’s THESE PEOPLE WHO ARE AT RISK. So all these assholes who listen to celebrities instead of experts and decide not to get their child vaccinated without any justification put ALL THESE OTHER PEOPLE AT RISK. Maybe your special snowflake won’t get whooping cough, but they might be carrying the microorganism and pass it along to a few babies that end up dying from it. BUT IT’S TOTALLY WORTH IT BECAUSE YOUR SPECIAL SNOWFLAKE IS STILL ALIVE. Fuck you, asshole.

Look, I understand that parents are constantly worried about their children and what will harm them and how to keep them safe. But like I said, TALK TO YOUR FUCKING DOCTOR ABOUT IT. Yes, there’s at least a small risk involved in doing anything, but guess what? THAT’S LIFE. EVERYTHING IS SOMEWHAT RISKY. But I shouldn’t have to worry about fucking smallpox because parents don’t want to vaccinate their children anymore.

I also find this somewhat hilarious because as a society we’ve become OBSESSED with antiseptics and antibacterials. There are hand sanitizers everywhere now and cleaners that kill “99.9% of germs!” Now, cleanliness is important, especially to combat illnesses where there is no consistent herd immunity involved (like influenza). But people have become CRAZED. Well, guess what? Those .1% of “germs” that survive? THEY’RE RESISTANT TO THE ANTISEPTIC AND WILL BREED MORE RESISTANT MICROORGANISMS. Soon those sprays will only kill 50%, then 25%, then 10%, etc., of “germs.” By being so crazed with sterile environments, we’re actually helping select for more resistant microorganisms.



So you want to kill all the non-resistant microorganisms, leaving the ones that can survive intact to multiply, but YOU DON’T WANT TO PROTECT YOURSELF FROM THESE STRONGER “GERMS”? That doesn’t even MAKE ANY SENSE. My brain wants to cry just thinking about the complete lack of logic there. Breaking news: We can’t kill all the microorganisms. We just can’t. SO FUCKING IMMUNIZE YOURSELF AGAINST THEM.

But it also pisses me off that people get SO AFRAID of these VAGUE or NONEXISTENT risks of vaccines, but they don’t seem to give two shits about the SPECIFIC and PROVEN risks of NOT GETTING VACCINATED. If you don’t have protection against things like whooping cough or smallpox or measles, YOU CAN GET THESE DISEASES. They aren’t “gone.” The reason there is virtually no smallpox is BECAUSE OF HERD IMMUNITY. The viruses are still out there, so people who can’t be immunized because of allergies or other medical issues, for example, can still get it. But when everyone else is immunized, the risk goes down for those people.

However, once again people are just displaying their blatant disregard for other people. If they’re worried little Special Snowflake might possibly maybe have a somewhat bad reaction (maybe) to a vaccine, then OH NO HE IS NOT GETTING VACCINATED and there’s no reason to even ASK the doctor about it! But they don’t care if that starts to put everyone else at risk. EXCUSE ME, YOUR SELFISHNESS IS SHOWING. Because the problem is that stupidity and fear breed stupidity and fear. So when one set of parents FLIPS OUT about a vaccination, other parents they know start to do the same. “If THEIR Special Snowflake is at risk, what if MY Special Snowflake is at risk?!” And suddenly it goes from 1 child being unvaccinated to 20 children or more, THUS DESTROYING THE HERD IMMUNITY. Thanks, assholes, for spreading your stupidity and fear like an STD. ALL OF US LOGICAL PEOPLE REALLY APPRECIATE IT.

The other problem here is that people think vaccination decisions are purely personal. THEY AREN’T. Because then you go out in public and come into contact with possibly hundreds of people every day. So maybe people need to give a little more consideration to these choices that put us all at risk. Because while 1 unvaccinated person doesn’t compromise herd immunity, 20 or 30 start to, and that’s only thinking about individual communities. If there are 20 or 30 (or more) people out of every 100 who are unvaccinated, that’s a large number, and that starts to deteriorate the protection of herd immunity. So while there are assholes out there who will say “Well, it doesn’t matter if I’M the only one unvaccinated,” odds are they aren’t the only one. Because in recent years so many parents have started deciding against vaccination based on unfounded fears that the number has been steadily increasing, so much that now there are more instances of whooping cough!

So I’d like everyone to put their fucking heads back on straight and return to consulting their fucking doctors on this issue instead of using the Internet. Because I like not having to worry about smallpox.

Monthly Raging

August 2010
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