Feel My Wrath: “Celebrities”

Do you remember when people had to have a fucking talent of some kind to be considered a celebrity? Because I do, and I miss those days every fucking minute of my life.

I’m sick of seeing “news” about all these “celebrities” and their “shenanigans.” And yes, I’m using the quotes correctly, because they are not celebrities and it is not news nor shenanigans. But what really gets me is that none of these assholes even has a fucking talent or skill. Most of them were on some stupid-ass “reality” TV show for .5 seconds and now for some reason their every move is considered worthy of a headline. Half of those assholes can’t even do drugs well, not to mention act or sing or whatever legitimate skill they pretend to have.

And I’m purposely not mentioning any of these people by name because I don’t want them to have the satisfaction of getting publicity and seeing my blog when they Google their own names. I’m sure you all can think of at least a dozen “celebrities” that fit this situation. Nowadays, some of these assholes weren’t even on TV at all in any way—some of them are just children of legitimately talented and famous people. I guess it works like royal blood did (or still does in some countries). You don’t need to have a skill or talent or even be particularly good-looking. If your parents are famous, you will be famous.

But you know what? I’m fucking sick to death of hearing all about these assholes. I miss the days when an actor or actress actually had to be talented in order to be in movies and make money. Or when a musician had to be able to sing or play an instrument (OR BOTH! CRAZY, I KNOW). Now, most people pay to see performers who LIPSYNCH at their concerts. Breaking news: That’s called karaoke, and you can do it yourself for a lot less money.

And what does it say about society in general that most of us are apparently obsessed with these assholes and their talent-less lives? I mean, I don’t give two shits, and in fact am extremely enraged by these fake celebrities (which should be obvious), but it seems a majority of people want to know every step these “celebrities” make. Even if it’s just going out to lunch. Breaking news: EVERYONE DOES THAT. WHY IS IT ON TV? It’s not a newsworthy event! But apparently enough people care that it gets these shows ratings, so of course they’re going to keep talking about all this inanity.

I just don’t fucking get it. I just want to know when actors I like are in a new movie, or when musicians I like are going to perform near me. I DON’T NEED TO KNOW WHERE THEY EAT LUNCH. I DO NOT CARE. And why the fuck does everyone else care? And even worse, why do they care about a “celebrity” who has no more talent than your anonymous next-door neighbor? Here’s some advice, free of charge because I’m nice like that: Stop trying to live vicariously through these assholes and live YOUR OWN FUCKING LIFE INSTEAD.

Or at the very least, if you are going to live vicariously through someone, at least pick someone with a fucking iota of talent. I know the idea of all these talentless assholes becoming “celebrities” really excites some people because the idea of being famous for doing nothing is appealing to lazy assholes, but I’m hoping this will come full circle and in a few years nobody will remember these “celebrities” and we can get back to people who are actually worthy of our attention for one reason or another.

The other reason it enrages me is because these people aren’t only famous, but they’re getting rich off this shit. These “celebrities” are literally being paid for NOTHING. They have no talent, and apparently that is worthy of millions of dollars. It’s fucking ridiculous.

You know what? I take it all back. Their talent is clearly tricking the rest of us into thinking they deserve all this money for doing nothing. But you know what? THEY AREN’T EVEN GOOD AT THAT. Because here I am, and there are other people like me, who see them for what they really are: a nobody.

So please, “celebrities,” please fade back into obscurity. It would be the greatest thing you could ever do. And hey, you might even be good at it (although I wouldn’t hold my breath)!

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