Let’s ease back into the daily anger with something that’s been stewing in my head for awhile. But I think it’s ready now for public exposure.
Like most people who peruse the Internet, I enjoy going to certain popular websites, such as I Can Has Cheezburger, Not Always Right, Overheard in New York (or their derivative websites), etc. Mostly, I am amused by all of these things. But there is one that I find to be infuriating, and that is Fuck My Life. Because most of the people who post don’t seem to be able to tell the difference between karma/consequences and actual FML moments.
I know that they have a “rating” system or whatever, but that doesn’t stop me from rolling my eyes when I see an entry that says “Today, my girl/boyfriend caught me cheating! FML.” Really, asshole? Breaking news: That’s called karma and you deserved it. I can’t fucking fathom what makes someone decide to even bother posting that or similar stories. Sure, maybe some other assholes out there will think “Dude, that totally sucks,” but those are generally people that other people DO NOT LIKE. Because they’re cheating assholes. Sorry if I don’t fucking cry a river for you when you get what you deserve. Instead, I think about how I hope your significant other(s) beat the shit out of you and how I hope you never find happiness again in your life.
Maybe that seems harsh, but let’s break it down. There’s a difference between having an open relationship and tricking your partner into thinking it’s a monogamous relationship when you’re really seeing countless other people on the side. An open relationship is perfectly fine. Cheating means you’re an asshole. Simple, right?
But those entries aren’t the only ones that piss me off. Then you get the people who are just so idiotic it’s almost painful to even read about. People who harass the homeless and are surprised when they retaliate! People who forget to do homework and try (and fail) to lie to the teacher about why! Alcoholic parents who are in denial about it! People who pretend to be cops and get caught by real cops! I could continue, but I think you get the point. Where do all these idiotic assholes come from, and why do they expect sympathy for their stupidity? The only thing I’m sorry about is that nobody bothered to teach them to use their brain, and I’m only sorry about that because now they’re harassing me with their dumbassery. Breaking news: These aren’t “fuck my life” moments. These are just “fuck you, asshole” moments.
I categorize this under Special Snowflake Syndrome because that’s the only reason I can think of for why some of these people bother to share these stories with the Internet. I understand complaining to your friends about some of these things (although not the cheating, because I would expect my friends to punch me if I ever did something that stupid and was baffled when I got caught), or telling them as funny stories to people you know in a “Sometimes I forget how to use my brain” way (because let’s be honest, we ALL have those moments. Most of us just don’t like to share them with strangers). But these people really seem to think that the consequences of their actions are undeserved and that other people would feel sorry for them. They really seem to think that their life sucks because they got caught breaking the law or being a bully or any other countless reprehensible things. Breaking news: Those are just consequences of your poor life choices. They aren’t undeserved bad things happening for no reason, which would be true FML moments.
And, honestly, the rating system just makes everything more depressing and enraging, because even on the entries that have more “you deserved it” votes, there are STILL PEOPLE VOTING THE OTHER WAY. ALWAYS. Which means there are numerous people out there who maybe don’t post on FML but also have the same lack of understanding of a consequence vs. an undeserved bad thing. It makes me weep for the world, because it’s possible that someday someone will post: “Today, I murdered someone and got caught. Now I’m facing the death penalty. FML” and people will ACTUALLY SYMPATHIZE WITH THAT ASSHOLE. I’m sure that seems like a big jump, but I don’t think it is, actually, considering some of the posts I’ve read on FML. The person who was pretending to be a cop and got caught had sympathy voters, and that’s a pretty major offense, and that’s just one example. All you have to do is browse the first five pages of FML’s site to find more examples of people breaking actual laws and lamenting when they’re caught.
So while I do like reading FML, I actually more often than not avoid it for the sake of my brain cells, who don’t deserve to suffer because of someone else’s severe lack of intelligence and inflated sense of self-importance. Such a small percentage of posts are actual FML moments that it’s just depressing knowing that these assholes are out there walking around thinking that their life is so hard and not realizing that they deserve it.
And the worst part is there are no real repercussions for being a dumbass on the Internet, so these people just keep posting expecting (and receiving!) sympathy and never have the mental breakthrough of realizing that hey, sometimes you should be held responsible for your actions!
This is not the first time that I have wished to be able to punch people through the Internet, and I’m sure it won’t be the last.