Archive for the 'Public Space' Category

We’re really still doing this?

As some of you may know, I work from home most the time. I only have to commute into cesspool city once a week, and for that I am grateful every day.

That doesn’t mean I don’t have shit to complain about on that one day, though.

Significant Other and I normally catch the same train home, which leaves the station a little before 5pm. Recently, the company that runs the trains has instituted a quiet car during commuting hours in the morning and evening on weekdays. It’s only ONE CAR out of the five or six that make up the trains at this time. ONE CAR. And usually the conductor will announce it, but it’s always the same: the first car when heading in to work in the morning, and the last car when heading out in the evening. IT’S NOT THAT FUCKING HARD TO REMEMBER. Especially if you ride the same damn train and sit in the same damn seat every day.

But for some reason, on the train SO and I usually catch, there is a group of teenagers stuck in adult bodies who act like they’re still in goddamned high school. You know the people: they always have to sit in the same seats, they have to save seats for their friends, they will talk THE WHOLE HOUR RIDE HOME, and the rules do not apply to them. If I described that, would you not assume these were teenagers with no regard for others? But no; all of these people are old enough to be my fucking parents.

There is only one fucking quiet car on the train, and I like to sleep on the ride to/from work, because I’m a tired Anger Ball from raging all day. Now, the quiet car is supposed to allow for people to talk, QUIETLY (sensing a theme yet?), but nobody seems to have an indoor voice on this train. SO and I have sometimes caught the train after this one, or even the train AFTER that one, and nobody on those trains seems to have this goddamn problem. Everyone on those trains is quiet or able to talk in a whisper.

NOT THESE ASSHOLES, THOUGH. I know EVERYTHING about their fucking lives. Things that I never needed or wanted to know about ANYBODY. Breaking news: There are at LEAST four other cars you can sit in if you want to talk. GO TO ONE OF THEM, BEFORE I THROW YOU ONTO THE TRACKS.

The worst part is that if SO or I try to get the conductor involved, these people just up their teenage antics. They see us talking to the conductor or calling him/her over, and they immediately shut the fuck up. Then the conductor looks at me like I’m fucking crazy, maybe repeats the announcement that it’s the quiet car, and leaves. THEN THESE ASSHOLES START TALKING AGAIN.

Oh, and apparently sitting right next to the person you want to talk to automatically makes you gay with them or something, because these assholes sit across the aisle from one another, which means they have to talk louder to have a normal conversation.

I’m sorry, but in the fucking quiet car I should not hear your conversation over the noise of the train moving. THAT IS NOT WHAT THE QUIET CAR IS FOR. Let the people who want ACTUAL QUIET enjoy the goddamned quiet car. Don’t just continue sitting in it because those are your seats or some shit. Breaking news: We’re not in high school; there are no fucking assigned seats. GO. SOMEPLACE. ELSE.

The other thing is that on this train, there are about three stops before the first major stop, where most people, including SO and I, disembark. These assholes also get off at that stop. The moment we pull out of the station before our stop, they all stand up, and for some reason decide it’s no longer the quiet car at all. People come up from further back to stand and wait by the door and are talking to people sitting four rows away, over the tops of people who ARE STILL SLEEPING OR TRYING TO READ. BECAUSE THEIR STOP IS NOT THE NEXT ONE. I don’t know, as far as I fucking understand it, the quiet car rules are not “only if the train is in motion” or “only when you feel like being quiet”. THEY ARE FOR THE WHOLE FUCKING TRIP. SHUT YOUR FUCKING MOUTHS FOR TEN SECONDS. Just because your stop is next doesn’t mean it stops being the quiet car.

I’ve never seen a bunch of adults act so consistently like children. I mean, this happens every goddamned week. The people who appear to have assigned seats (I roll my eyes every time I type that, but it’s true; they sit in the same place every day and save seats for their friends. I want to barf just thinking about it) are generally tolerable, which means I can sleep through their incessant chatter. But the other day there was some asshole talking loudly on his cell phone, although luckily after an announcement from the conductor he put that shit away. I haven’t confronted anyone yet about their intolerable noise, but only because by the end of the day (we don’t have this problem in the morning when everyone is so tired they pass the fuck out) I’m so fucking frustrated from work that I’m worried I won’t be able to control my rage and ask politely but sternly. I’m worried I’ll just curl my hand into a fist and beat all these people to death. So generally I just simmer in my rage until I pass out from exhaustion and wake up just before our stop.

HOWEVER.

That does not make this shit okay, and, as with the movie theater and cell phone use thing, where I hit my limit and now I ask people immediately to put their phones away instead of giving them three strikes, I feel that I’m reaching the breaking point with this, too. The problem, though, is that the noise level is relative to where you are to the people talking. If they’re sitting behind you, they’re going to sound louder than people sitting eight rows away, even if both are speaking at the same volume. So my problem is if I want to tell one pair of assholes to shut up, suddenly I have to get up and tell forty pairs of assholes to shut up, because everyone in that car for the most part is a goddamned child who will say, “Why are you yelling at me when 38750398461 other people are talking?” Well, asshole, if you’re sitting right behind me, I can hear every detail of your pathetic life, whereas I cannot hear all the inane details of the conversation in the back of the train. THIS SEEMS OBVIOUS TO ME, but people are selfish assholes who can’t think of other people for ten goddamned seconds.

Frankly, what the trains SHOULD do is make the quiet car completely quiet. No talking at all, no cell phones at all, nothing. COMPLETE SILENCE. I’m blissing out just imagining this right now. If there are FOUR (or more) other cars in which to talk, at any volume you wish, why can’t we have one for the actual adults who don’t have problems keeping their mouths shut for an hour? Let me tell you, the quiet car is ALWAYS full, too. I’m sure it would be full even if they changed the rule to complete silence. And everyone in that car would be a lot fucking happier if that were the case.

Maybe I’m expecting too much from adults. I mean, I can sit still for a long time, and I don’t have to fill silence with bullshit. But apparently few others are capable of this. I mean, these people who talk for the whole train ride aren’t ever talking about anything interesting or important. Now, look. I don’t think every single conversation has to be profound. But if you’re going to talk for an hour in the quiet car of a train, it better be fucking worthwhile and interesting, because EVERYONE IS GOING TO HEAR IT. I don’t want to hear about your kid’s little league game. I bet your fucking friend doesn’t even really want to hear about it. So shut the fuck up.

But it just blows my mind because it’s not like the entire train is a quiet train. It’s just one fucking car. And yet these people are so oblivious or inconsiderate that they just continue to do this shit every day instead of moving to another car to have their vapid conversations. Like…I just can’t wrap my brain around being that big an asshole.

You would think I’d be used to this shit by now. But people just find new ways to be bigger and bigger assholes every day. I guess once I reach my limit and snap at them all, maybe I’ll finally get a fucking hour of peace and quiet. But more likely, since their maturity level is that of teenagers, I’ll just have to deal with passive-aggressive bullshit instead. Hooray, something else to look forward to!

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What the fuck is going on?

Usually I try to make my titles more witty than that, but that’s the question that has been on my mind lately: What the fuck is going on? America is imploding, is part of what is going on, and it’s fucking scary. Not in the same way that what’s going on in Japan is scary. Politicians are destroying America piece by piece. And while conservatives/Republicans are mostly to blame for this (don’t worry, I’m bringing evidence in a hot second), liberals/Democrats are helping by being too polite to stand up and do anything about it.

The more I follow the news, the more I think that we need a massive overhaul. And I don’t mean by the Tea Party, which doesn’t have two fucking brain cells to rub together (“Keep government out of my personal life! Except make abortion illegal and make laws about who people can marry and I still want Medicare but keep government out of my health care!” Fuck off, all of you). I mean by the people who really want change, who realize that the Constitution, while great in many ways, is a flawed document that was never meant to remain significantly unaltered for so long. While the “founding fathers” may have had a great deal of foresight, they didn’t have 300 years’ worth of it. I mean, they had enough foresight to realize they hadn’t added everything in and put in amendments after writing the document. Yet America clings to this document like a script, at the very moment when we should be embracing its strengths and fixing its flaws.

But I don’t plan to convince many people of that, so I’ll start here instead: we need to get rid of every single politician currently in any office, anywhere. There needs to be term limits for EVERY SINGLE OFFICE, because this shit is getting ridiculous. We have senators who have been around for decades, and new senators are expected to always defer to them, thus stifling any potential for change. There are too many formalities involved and too many politicians who are enamored with the power and money they get to realize that some of these traditions are too much of a hindrance to the greater good. Not to mention that most of them are owned by corporations or lobbyists and are more interested in their kick-backs than their constituents.

Just last year, the Supreme Court said it was OK for corporations to donate to political campaigns. And many members of the public are dense enough to defend this decision! What’s to stop oil corporations from buying politicians? With millions of dollars to spend on campaigning, it wouldn’t matter who was running against these corporate candidates. And it doesn’t matter if I support clean energy or not: my point is, I don’t want someone representing me who has been bought out by any corporation. Corporations deserve certain rights, but donating to a campaign as if the company were an individual is obscene. It essentially grants the board of directors an extra vote. And last time I fucking checked, every American citizen is only entitled to ONE VOTE. Also, the argument that this upholds the First Amendment is asinine because although the people involved in corporations are individuals, and thus deserve to have uninhibited free speech when it comes to politics, a CORPORATION IS NOT A PERSON, AND THUS IS NOT ENTITLED TO AMENDMENT RIGHTS IN THIS WAY. They are NOT allowed to funnel millions of dollars into political campaigns under the First Amendment. That’s a stretch of the imagination if I’ve ever seen one.

Significant Other and I have discussed this heatedly for a long while (although we both agree, we both just get passionate about it). And we’ve come to an agreement and a solution. First, politicians should not be paid, in any way, for their service. It should be considered a volunteer position, with the public choosing who they think is the best of the volunteers (via voting). Then, expenses related to the job will be paid for by taxpayer money, as now. But there should be no salary. Lobbying should be banned. And anyone who wants to donate to a political campaign has to donate to a general campaign fund that is then SPLIT EVENLY between ALL the candidates—of every party. I don’t mean there’s a separate democratic fund and republican fund and independent fund, etc. I mean there is ONE FUND, and anyone who wants to donate does so, and then all that money is split evenly to give EVERY CANDIDATE an equal chance of getting their message across. The candidates are not allowed to use private funds to campaign. They only have whatever has been donated and split. That way, anyone truly CAN run for an office and not have to be worried about being beaten purely because their opponent had millions of dollars from a corporate backing or personal fund.

I can imagine conservatives recoiling in horror. I find this funny, because when there dares to be an intelligent candidate, like Obama, they bemoan how they want someone they could “drink a beer with,” like Bush. But Bush would never fucking drink a beer with any of those people, because he’s a fucking rich asshole. So if they really wanted someone running the country that they “could drink a beer with,” my plan would be ideal because it allows that type of person—their neighbor, friend, co-worker—to run for office. Yet people are consistently fooled by these images politicians put forth. None of them is what they seem. They have vast public relations staff to manufacture an image for them. If they’re smart, that image is close enough to the truth that it’s easy to maintain. But I can’t believe anyone EVER thought that Bush would deign to drink a beer with a blue-collar worker. You have to be truly gullible to buy that.

Not to mention the fact that I wouldn’t WANT that type of person running the country. I want someone who’s a genius to run the nation. I want someone who’s so much smarter than me I can’t even imagine it. Because it’s an incredible task, a hard task, a subtle task. So I don’t want someone who can’t handle that sort of thing running the fucking country. I don’t care how much fucking money they have. And neither should anyone else. Because while money buys a lot of things, it doesn’t buy intelligence. It might make it so a fool can surround themselves with very smart people, but it doesn’t change the fact that the leader is a fool.

That being said, I believe in everyone’s right to run for office. I just won’t vote for you if I think you don’t have two brain cells to put to use. But let’s be serious: currently, not everyone can run for any office because it costs hundreds of thousands of dollars (at the least; usually millions). And then once you get there, pretty much you are just campaigning to be re-elected from the start instead of doing anything to make society better. So that’s why we need term limits for every office: Mayor, Governor, even Justice. Maybe it’s more than two terms for the latter, and maybe the terms should be six years or something, so a new president doesn’t get the chance to make a fully liberal- or conservative-leaning Supreme Court. But at the same time I don’t think these people should be allowed to preside over the court until THEY choose to leave. Because then one bad choice by a president/Congress has effects over sometimes decades. I don’t think we should have to suffer through that, even if sometimes we, as a nation, might deserve it for electing a fool president. I admit this plan is not perfect, but it’s a start.

All that aside, what else makes me think America is imploding? How about the fact that we were foolish enough to give Republicans control of the House, believing their blatant lies about “fixing things.” And then they say their primary objective is to make sure Obama is a one-term president. While I’m sure conservatives everywhere wet their pants in excitement when this was announced, I can think of two things that are more important and that Republicans promised before regaining control of the House: creating jobs and stimulating the economy. Those should be the PRIMARY GOALS. And, surprise! There is a way to do that with Obama still president. It’s called COOPERATION. I remember a time when Republicans and Democrats were able to work together to get shit done. But now one side is a bunch of uncooperative assholes and the other side is a bunch of spineless pushovers. I don’t know which is worse. Things are falling apart, and the two sides need to come together to fix it.

And then let’s turn our attention to Wisconsin and Indiana, where somehow blue-collar workers, teachers, police and firefighters—and any other group that is unionized—are somehow being demonized and declared part of the problem. That is the biggest load of bullshit I’ve ever been asked to swallow (spoiler alert: I won’t swallow it). The problem with America is politicians who are out for their own gain or the interests of the corporations who back them rather than looking out for their constituents. I mean, thousands, maybe even hundreds of thousands, of protesters apparently couldn’t convince Walker that perhaps attacking unions isn’t in the people’s best interest. He went ahead and did it anyway, in many ways completely subverting democracy to do so. And a judge ordered a stay on the law, and now the attorney general is trying to appeal that. If that isn’t a blatant disregard for what the people want, I don’t know what is. Also, let me say that people arguing that a judge can’t stop the legislature have a complete and, frankly, embarrassing lack of understanding about how the government—at both the state and federal levels—is supposed to work. Breaking news: This is EXACTLY what a JUDGE is SUPPOSED TO DO. The judicial branch is supposed to keep the legislative branch in check. So if there is even a minor question of the constitutionality of the law or the process involved in passing the law, a judge is SUPPOSED to act on that. So all these people who think Judge Sumi was out of line: Please go back to elementary school and learn how the government is supposed to work. Here: I’ll help get you started.

If all of that isn’t crazy enough, a similar thing is going down in Indiana. The ignorance and insanity is spreading like some kind of disease.

Am I the only one who finds this fucking insane? Pretty much the only thing any of us is guaranteed to have in common with someone else is that we all, at one point, had teachers of some kind. I’m not saying all teachers are great. I’m not saying unions work perfectly. I’m not saying no reform is needed (I pretty much believe that everything needs to be constantly tweaked—nothing is perfect). But demonizing these people is NOT RIGHT. Especially not when politicians are doing the demonizing. And notice that it’s only conservative politicians. So excuse me if I have a little extra venom stored up for conservatives. But it seems like they realized they can’t fix the problems they promised to, as if they got elected and suddenly realized how fucking hard fixing these things might be, and so now they’re trying to deflect the blame. Well guess what? Taking money from people like teachers and police officers, who don’t get paid all that much in the first place, is only going to make shit WORSE. Without teachers, the education system will fail. Without teachers, there will be no skilled workers. Without workers, there will be no economy. No one to produce goods or offer services. So politicians are just making everything worse by doing this. WAY TO GO, ASSHOLES.

And yet the Republicans in Wisconsin and Indiana are just blindly following their leaders (with a few exceptions) instead of using their own brains to think about this. It’s exactly that kind of blind following we DON’T NEED RIGHT NOW. We need people, Republican or Democratic, who aren’t afraid to stand up to their own and say “This is wrong.” THAT is really what we’re lacking. Breaking news: You can still consider yourself a Republican and not buy into these ideas that are truly, morally wrong. There are shades of gray with every political affiliation. Or at least there used to be. When people had brain cells.

But even moving away from this, let’s talk about how now people are attempting to thought police other people, women specifically. I’m sorry, but this is just mind blowing. And it might seem far fetched, but considering that apparently Republicans have decided another of their big goals is to de-fund Planned Parenthood, I don’t find it so hard to believe that they want to thought police women. Because let me tell you a little secret about federal funding for Planned Parenthood: it can’t be used for abortion. No, really. The Hyde Amendment was passed in 1976. Go read about it and then come back to me.

So what’s the purpose, then, of de-funding Planned Parenthood? Well, they offer a lot of services to low-income women, such as pap smears and pregnancy tests and birth control. So, frankly, de-funding Planned Parenthood is an attack on low-income women, and women in general. I don’t know what we did to piss off Republicans so much (it was probably when we insisted on being treated like people instead of property, or when we demanded the right to vote! And now we go to schools and get degrees and jobs, even if we get still paid less than men! Where do we get off thinking we deserve all of this?!), but I can’t believe that women still vote for Republicans. I can’t believe there are women out there who still identify, proudly, as conservative. My mom is one of them. Trust me that we’ve had so many fucking arguments about this I can’t even count them.

Apparently even though Roe v. Wade was decided in 1973, I’m still not to be trusted with health matters involving my reproductive organs. I’m to expect and allow a bunch of rich, old, white men to interfere in that decision. People who can, inarguably, never themselves be pregnant. So excuse me if I trust my own, and every other woman’s, goddamn judgment on this matter a whole lot more than I trust politicians’. And because they know they can’t win this fight, because women have fought long and hard for these rights, they’re doing it this way instead: attacking women who can’t afford to fight. Attacking women who can’t afford much of anything. And that’s despicable.

And this is why we need an overhaul. This is why we need intelligent people to rise up and take back our government. I don’t mean by using violence or anything like that. We just need to stop voting for fools who are terrified of change. Because this is just getting depressing and ridiculous. How much longer are we going to let these assholes run our country into the ground? How much longer are we going to let them set us back, push us down? Because I’ll be honest. I’m getting to my wit’s end here.

Please tell me I’m not alone.

_____
Some links on other issues, some of which I didn’t talk about here:

Anti-choice is anti-women [STFU Conservatives, which is a Tumblr that anyone with two brain cells should be following, although this post is one they’ve reblogged from another Tumblr]

Seriously, Republicans are waging a war on women [STFU Conservatives; Wonkette, also a site worth following]

Republicans are also waging a war on the poor [Wonkette]

____

I was originally going to post a disclaimer here at the end about how I’m not saying all conservatives/republicans are insane or evil, but you know what? If you’re a sane person who happens to have conservative leanings, or is a fiscal conservative or whatever, you should be embarrassed about what these politicians are doing. You should come up with a different name for your beliefs so you’re not associated with these people.

So I’m not sorry, and I’m not posting a disclaimer. This shit is insane, and it needs to be pointed out and stopped.

Ho, ho, holy crap, you’re a jackass

People like to say that the holidays bring out the best in people. Goodwill toward others! Holiday spirit! Thinking of your fellow man!

Clearly those people have never gone shopping between the months of October and January.

I’m not saying the holidays aren’t nice and that some people don’t seem to be filled with good cheer around the end of the year. But after watching the umpteenth fight break out over a parking space or the last toy/game/console, it’s hard for me to believe that people, in general, are really embodying the holiday spirit. I don’t recall any holiday songs about calling someone an asshole, fist-fighting over a toy or threatening to have an employee fired. Just sayin’. Some people might be missing the point just a little. I saw a perfect example of that this weekend.

Significant Other and I made a decision this year for various reasons not to celebrate the holidays with gift giving or receiving. And let me tell you that was an excellent decision; it has helped keep my stress level around this time considerably lower than it normally is. However, my mom seems to be having a bit of a hard time with the idea that we don’t want presents, so I’ve been trying to figure out what to get her.

My mom collects unicorns, so after a couple of my ideas fell through, SO and I went to a toy store this weekend (mistake #1, I know) to see if I could find a silly unicorn thing to get for my mom. I ended up buying her the unicorn pillow pet because it’s so ugly that I thought it was kind of hysterical. I texted my sister, who sees my mom more often than I do, to tell her what I got. I paid for the unicorn and walked out of the store and got a text from my sister saying my mom had it already (which I should have known, because my mom buys herself so much unicorn stuff and pillow pets have been around for at least a year). So since we hadn’t driven off yet, I turned around and went back into the store to return the unicorn while SO went to get the car.

There were two employees working customer service and about five people in line in front of me. One of the employees was working fairly quickly through the line, but the other employee was dealing with the Women From Hell. It was a pregnant daughter and her mother, and the daughter’s toddler, who was about 4. The toddler was completely unsupervised and was walking around pulling all sorts of toys off the shelves and leaving them scattered on the floor near the entrance, and he was punching all the cardboard display cases. The pregnant daughter was too busy arguing with the employee to pay attention—she had a baby shower and got two of the same thing (because apparently her friends are too idiotic to work a baby registry) and one came “wrapped” in a bag from this toy store, so it must have come from there, but she had no receipt or proof. So the employee was trying to explain that she couldn’t do the return because she checked the woman’s registry and that item wasn’t on it. Meanwhile, the pregnant daughter’s mother (the grandmother) was happily chatting away on her cell phone, ignoring the havoc her grandson was causing around the store.

First off, you think ONE of the TWO women would have been keeping an eye on the kid. He was old enough to walk and run and thus could easily slip out of view, and neither of them seemed to give two shits. And the daughter was pregnant with another child. Breaking news: Maybe you should learn to parent your first child properly before popping out another.

The grandmother then got off the phone and turned to the employee, threatening to have her fired and generally being a supreme jackass, seemingly out of nowhere. From the parts of the encounter I saw, the employee was not being rude or anything, but apparently she somehow offended the grandmother by following store policy and explaining it to them in thirty different ways. Breaking news: Sorry, asshole, but the store rules can’t be rewritten just for you. Get over your sense of entitlement (and teach your fucking idiot friends how to use a registry!).

At that point I was second in line as the other employee continued to work through the other customers. And suddenly the two women behind me yelled out “Oh my god, whose kid is that?! He just went out the door!” They went running after him, and the pregnant woman turned around and walked after them like she was going for a fucking Sunday stroll when her FOUR YEAR OLD son just WALKED OUT THE FRONT DOOR and INTO THE PARKING LOT. He also walked out with a toy, although obviously he was too young to understand why that was also problematic. But I mean…this girl was PREGNANT and let her current child WALK OUT INTO THE PARKING LOT. I just…I was agape. The two women who ran out brought the kid back in and the mother FINALLY took his fucking hand and walked him back to the counter (meanwhile the grandmother was talking to the manager, who had calmed her down and was once again explaining store policy). I thought that that was the end, but as soon as the mother got back to the counter, she let go of the kid’s hand and said “Stay near mommy.”

Yeah…

…no.

Your kid just walked out into the fucking parking lot. And before that he fucking made a disastrous mess of the store. You need to put that kid in the cart and keep him in your sight AT ALL TIMES because he is TOO YOUNG TO UNDERSTAND. You can’t talk to him like he’s old enough to know why he should stay by you.

So of course as soon as the mother let his hand go, the boy immediately ran to the nearest shelf and pulled a toy down. He brought it to his mother and got her attention, but she told him no, he’s not getting a toy. So the boy THREW THE TOY ON THE GROUND and STOMPED ON IT. The mother didn’t DO ANYTHING ABOUT THIS. Meanwhile the manager explained to the grandmother that if they bring the item that is actually on the registry to return, they don’t need a receipt and just need a photo ID. PROBLEM SOLVED. Although this was ALSO WHAT THE EMPLOYEE WAS SAYING TO THEM. So you think that’d be the end, right?

No.

The grandmother says “That’s fine. But I still want that employee’s name.” So the manager writes it down and writes down the store number for them, and the grandmother reminds everyone that she’s going to have that employee fired. Really? Really, jackass? Way to show some fucking holiday spirit.

Like I said, the employee, to me, didn’t seem to be rude or short with them, first of all. Second of all, even if she WAS, can you imagine the hell that the past two months (or more) have been for her, working in a toy store around the holidays? And then she has to deal with Women From Hell. On top of all the other crazy shoppers I’m sure she’s had to deal with. And working ridiculous holiday hours. HAVE A LITTLE FUCKING COMPASSION. Or, you know, DON’T BE AN ASSHOLE. Even putting all that aside, I certainly wouldn’t have blamed her for being rude to those assholes even outside of the craze of the holiday season. They would have deserved to be treated poorly. In fact I might have cheered her on had she chosen to curse the Women From Hell out. I really wish the manager hadn’t given the grandmother any information about the employee and had instead said “I’ll handle the employee, don’t worry” and then done nothing, since the employee didn’t do anything wrong. Because honestly, no one who’s just doing their job ever deserves to be treated like how the grandmother treated the employee. So why should the employee have to have a complaint lodged against her, even if she doesn’t lose her job over it? That doesn’t seem right. But that’s why I can’t work in retail. I would be fired every day because I would tell a customer like that to go fuck themselves.

And then to top it off, as the grandmother, daughter and child left the store, they stepped over one of the toys the boy had thrown on the ground. The woman behind me said “Excuse me, isn’t that yours?” and pointed to the toy. The mother looked down at the toy and then said “Oh, he’s not getting that today” and then WALKED OUT WITHOUT PICKING THE TOY UP. I just…it was one of the few that she had seen her son remove from the shelves, so it’s not like she didn’t KNOW HER SON PUT IT THERE. I can’t imagine what her house looks like if she never fucking cleans up after her child.

The toy was right at my feet, so I picked it up and put it back on the shelf, to save some employee a little bit of work. Then the two women behind me and I talked shit about the Women From Hell right before I got up to finally make my return.

So, while I’m no Scrooge, I certainly am not naive enough to think that the holiday season makes everyone pleasant and wonderful. I’ve seen some grade A assholes, and I’ve talked about a lot of them on the blog, but these women are at the top right now. But instead of getting a blue ribbon or gold medal, they get a punch in the face and forced sterilization so they can’t pop out more rude, inconsiderate assholes. Now that’s a present for everyone!

Parking is apparently a task for geniuses

Since we moved out of cesspool city, Significant Other now has to commute every day for work. There is a bus nearby, but the tickets are kind of outrageous, so in the morning I drive her to the train (so we don’t have to pay parking, although with gas prices what they are it might be cheaper now), and I pick her up in the evening.

We have a pretty good system down for the most part. In the evening I get to the train station about 5-10 minutes before the train. I don’t park in a spot; there is enough space near the train platform for cars to wait near the curb and still allow other cars to pass by. That’s important because once people get off the train, cars are zipping past to exit the parking lot, and you never know when the person you’re waiting for will appear. So if you have two brain cells to rub together, you know you don’t want to block the aisle and cause a traffic jam if you’re not one of the first cars to leave.

On a normal day, it will look something like this:

I only have paint to work with. That + my crappy art skills produces this.

What the parking lot looks like when everyone is intelligent.

Here’s a legend: the ovals are cars waiting, the rest is the parking lot, with driving aisles marked by the arrows. Each aisle of parked cars in the lot is buffered by a giant planter with little trees in it, and people often park in front of those. Even with cars on either side of the aisle in this way, there is plenty of space for other cars to drive through. IT IS HARMONIOUS WHEN EVERYONE IS INTELLIGENT. We wait for our friends/significant others to get off the train and then we all drive off into the sunset happy as can be because nobody was a dumbass.

However, that situation is rare, really. Because now that it’s cold and dark when we’re all waiting at the train station at 5:45, people will often leave their cars running as they wait. I can sympathize, because it can get pretty fucking cold. But these assholes will also LEAVE THEIR HEADLIGHTS ON, which is not fucking necessary. Ever.

If I weren't blinded by your headlights, I would be giving you a dirty look.

You don’t need to illuminate the parking lot or the car in front of you or shine your obnoxious lights into my eyes for 10 minutes while we wait for the train. The parking lot already has lights. If there are any monsters or serial killers, you will see them coming. And the odds of them going after your car when they have so many others to choose from is pretty slim, anyway. JUST TURN YOUR FUCKING HEADLIGHTS OFF. I don’t know if people just don’t understand how cars work or what. Breaking news: You can keep your car running in order to stay warm and TURN THE HEADLIGHTS OFF at the same time. Amazing!

But even this qualifies as a minor annoyance. I can usually shift in the driver’s seat somehow so that I’m not blinded by the headlights, and I only have to wait for Significant Other for about 10 minutes, and then we can leave the idiots behind. And since I spend most of my days away from people now, I can put up with this minor annoyance even if it happens every day without blowing a gasket that often.

However, on the Wednesday before Thanksgiving, I encountered a driver so idiotic that I had to document it here. I still think about it sometimes and it’s been like three weeks. This person clearly did not have two brain cells to rub together and should under no circumstances be allowed behind the wheel of a car.

SO’s office closed early on the Wednesday before Thanksgiving, but I’m pretty sure so did everyone else’s, so I was expecting the train station to be crowded with cars when I got there, because it’s not only commuters but people who are traveling for the holiday. So when I pulled up for the 5:10 train, the parking lot was full, and there was a line of cars waiting at the curb and well into the first aisle.

This is the beginning of the idiocy.

As you can see in my beautifully illustrated depiction of this event, I decided I didn’t want to be waiting for SO halfway down the first aisle where she would never see me. So I decided to back up and go down a different aisle so I could park on the curb in front of the front car, where there was still plenty of space and I wouldn’t cause a ridiculous and unnecessary traffic jam.

It's too bad only ideas, and not the intelligence required to execute those ideas, are contagious.

Unfortunately, the SUV I was momentarily stuck behind in the first aisle thought my idea was BRILLIANT. Which…in and of itself isn’t a terrible thing; it was a pretty good idea. This way my car would be visible to SO and I wouldn’t be preventing people from backing out of their parking spots. BECAUSE SOMETIMES I THINK ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE AND NOT INCONVENIENCING THEM. The problem, as you can guess from the caption, is that the driver of this dumb SUV apparently didn’t realize why I had moved. This was what their brain came up with:

That is a terrible idea, asshole.

Clearly my wonderful illustrations aren’t to scale, but I made sure to do it in such a way that you can easily see that by parking where they did, the SUV blocked the way for any cars that might need to get through. And since there were still 10 minutes for the train, there were still other cars coming to wait for passengers. I don’t know what this asshole was thinking. It hurts my brain to even try and rationalize this decision. Why didn’t they just pull the rest of the way up to be in front of the planter, like a semi-intelligent person would do, thus freeing the aisle? Maybe they just wanted to be close to me again (maybe my intelligence attracted them like a moth to a light). Talk about taking a pretty good idea and fucking ruining it with ignorance. This is a perfect example. I had two reasons, already outlined, for choosing to move my car. This person clearly only had ONE reason: they wanted to make sure they would be seen by whomever they were waiting for. I mean, you have to be pretty fucking oblivious to not think “Gee, I’m in a parking lot. Maybe I shouldn’t block the way out with my PARKED CAR.”

The way this person parked, I could easily make eye contact, and you better believe that I did. I looked right at them and mouthed “What the hell are you doing?” before I started my car and moved it forward until there would be a way for a moving car to navigate around the two of us. BUT THAT SHOULDN’T HAVE BEEN NECESSARY. If this person had fucking thought about someone other than themselves, they would have realized they had just made one of the stupidest decisions anyone on the planet has ever made. Even thinking back on it now and looking at my fairly accurate illustration of the event is making me have conniptions and killing precious brain cells.

And let me tell you, the person this driver was waiting for, unsurprisingly, was NOT the first person off the train. Luckily there are numerous aisles for exiting, but that still doesn’t excuse or justify being a fucking dumbass and blocking a potential exit route. And I’m not talking about how it might be dangerous if there’s an emergency or something. I’m just talking about common fucking courtesy. It just makes it easier for everyone if every possible exit route is available, especially with the number of cars that need to get to the highway from the parking lot. So take your fucking head our of your ass and realize that your stupidity is causing a problem.

Of all the stupid things I’ve seen people do in parking lots, this is by far the most egregious. Hopefully I never run into this person again. If I do, I’ll be sure to keep all my decent ideas to myself so they aren’t tempted to ruin them with their blatant idiocy.

Bumper stickers are like an early warning system…

…for stupidity. This way I can tell without even meeting someone if they are, or are related to, a moron. Gauging intelligence is just about the only benefit that bumper stickers offer. And let me tell you, from reading some of the bumper stickers on the cars in this area, I’ve discovered that Significant Other and I unwittingly moved to Conservative Crazypants town. Hooray for us.

I’m just going to go one by one in convenient list form to avoid getting so worked up that my brain explodes. I’ve linked to images below, but they are not necessarily the exact bumper sticker I saw, although the phrase is exactly as I saw it (I may or may not have copied them down the minute I saw them. I ADMIT NOTHING).

  1. Keep Christ in Christmas.
      Significant Other can attest to the fit I threw when I saw this bumper sticker. This is just one of the most asinine things to come out of public discourse in years. It ties into my pet peeve of people in a majority acting like they’re persecuted. Breaking news: If you’re in the majority, you cannot be ostracized. It doesn’t work that way. So, Christians, sorry to burst your bubble, but nobody is trying to take “Christ” out of “Christmas.” 

      FIRST OF ALL, he wasn’t in Christmas to begin with. Let’s be serious here, okay? The only assholes who don’t know by now that “Christmas” used to be a Pagan holiday that was appropriated by the Christians are just in denial. So you can’t really take something out that wasn’t there to begin with. But for centuries now, Christmas has been what it is currently (maybe not with the crazy gift giving, but with the Christian religion, I mean), so even if we’re throwing the appropriation factor aside, there are still other issues.

      SECOND, nobody is trying to take “Christ” out of “Christmas.” If my memory serves me right, this fucking hoopla started when people wanted to say “Happy Holidays” instead of “Merry Christmas” to be all inclusive and not assume that the person they’re talking to is a fucking Christian. BUT FOR SOME REASON BEING INCLUSIVE IS A TERRIBLE THING! May we be struck down if we want to acknowledge the fact that there are other holidays that occur near the end of December! IT MEANS WE ARE TRYING TO PERSECUTE CHRISTIANS!

      Okay, read that paragraph again and then try to explain how it makes sense. You won’t be able to, because it DOESN’T. Trying to be all inclusive is just that—INCLUDING EVERYONE. “HAPPY HOLIDAYS” ENCOMPASSES ALL THE FUCKING HOLIDAYS, ASSHOLES. THAT MEANS CHRISTMAS TOO. So take your “Keep Christ in Christmas” bullshit and shove it, because it’s ridiculous.

      THIRD, and last on this topic so I can get through the other bumper stickers before I have an aneurysm, the people who want to say “Happy Holidays” in a department store just want people to have a happy fucking holiday regardless of their religion. Nobody is trying to remove the Christian religion from the sentiment of their version of Christmas. I never see bumper stickers that say “Keep Christ Out of Christmas.” It’s a non-issue. NOBODY IS FUCKING WITH YOUR HOLIDAY, OKAY? SO STOP ACTING LIKE THAT’S WHAT’S GOING ON. In other words, get the fuck over yourselves.

  2. Protect the Unborn. (Google images failed me on this one.)
      Ugh, this one. THIS ONE. I haven’t gotten around to writing my rant about abortion rights, but I’ll give you the short of it up front: I am pro-choice. Anyone who is not pro-choice is ANTI-CHOICE. They are not pro-life. If you’re pro-life, that should mean you are pro-letting people do whatever they want with their lives, meaning other people can get abortions if they want. But if you are anti-abortion, you are ANTI-CHOICE. You are trying to restrict other people’s lives and choices. 

      Now that we’re clear on terminology, this bumper sticker boils my blood. Mostly because the people who want to “protect the unborn” don’t give a shit about the billions of people who are already on the planet. Protect that lump of cells in some random woman’s uterus, but don’t provide universal health care or expand welfare or unemployment! Don’t help people who had that baby actually take care of it! These assholes don’t give two shits about the already born. They just care about imposing their personal beliefs on everyone else. Breaking news: Just because abortion is an option doesn’t mean you need to choose it. But it means that someone else can choose it if they want! FANCY THAT.

      I’m a big fan of the “it’s none of your damn business” concept. It’s none of my fucking business who gets abortions. It’s not going to affect me or my life, but it may help improve the life of the woman getting an abortion. So it really pisses me off when people try to stick their nose into someone else’s business pretending to be all concerned about health or safety or whatever, when really they are just self-righteous assholes who can’t stand the idea of someone else, anywhere, doing something they don’t like.

      And I’m sorry (no I’m not) if I think the life of the already-existing woman is more important than the current non-life of her (not a person yet, sorry folks) fetus. I’m sorry (again, no) if I think that a woman shouldn’t be punished for having sex by having to birth a child. I’m sorry (getting the sarcasm point now, I hope?) if I think women should have complete control over their reproductive health and use of their reproductive organs. I’m sorry that I don’t think there should be a law that interferes with women making their own decisions.

      Breaking news: Women are completely capable of making their own decisions and weighing their own pros and cons in any situation, including when considering abortion. And one woman’s pro and con list will differ from another’s! GO FIGURE; WOMEN ARE ALL INDIVIDUALS.

      So fuck off with your “Protect the Unborn” shit. Let’s first take care of the teeming mass of people already on the planet, and then we’ll talk. We’re not in danger of going extinct of our own volition any time soon.

  3. I Don’t Believe the Liberal Media.
      HOORAY FOR YOU; WOULD YOU LIKE A COOKIE? So what media do you believe, then? Because I was ALWAYS taught that taking everything I see on any news channel or in any newspaper at face value is AN EXCELLENT IDEA! So do you believe everything Glenn Beck or Rush Limbaugh or Bill O’Reilly spout out of their putrid mouths? THAT SOUNDS LIKE A GREAT PLAN. 

      Look. I’m not going to argue if the media is liberal or conservative, because it’s a futile argument that cannot be won. If you watch a news program and a comment is made you don’t agree with, you’re going to call them the opposite of what you are. Ideally the news would be fair and balanced, but anyone with half a brain knows that’s not true no matter WHAT program you’re watching. But taking what pundits say at face value without doing your own research and investigating to form your own opinion is just idiotic. Breaking news: Use your own fucking brain to form your own fucking opinions. CRAZY, I KNOW. Because pundits are paid to get ratings and cause drama, basically, and spout their own opinions. And a lot of them have opinions that aren’t based on facts or logic. And then that idiocy spreads like wildfire and people like me with an iota of intelligence are left to weep in the corner.

      So while I think saying the media is “liberal” is just laughable, my real problem is that the people who would put that bumper sticker on their car obviously didn’t think twice before doing so. Because guess what? FOX news, Glenn Beck et al., are PART OF THE MEDIA. So how can “the media” be “liberal” if THESE KNOWN CONSERVATIVE PEOPLE/STATIONS EXIST. Just…just something to consider, there. It’s not like FOX is an underground, unpopular station. It’s one of the highest-rated news stations lately. So, uh…hm. How can I put this politely? Your fucking logic fail is showing.

  4. Born Free. Taxed to Death.
      Boo hoo. You like to enjoy things like libraries and highways and public education and the fire department, but you don’t want to pay your damn taxes in order to get these public services. Woe is you! Your life is so hard! You have to pay taxes like every other fucking adult in America! 

      Suck it up, asshole. Pretty much by the time I was 12, before I even had a job, I knew that taxes existed and that someday I would have to pay them. Nobody LIKES to pay taxes, but some of us understand it’s a necessary evil. Because while I hope I never need my local fire department, I sure as hell want them available to me if I do. Or the police, for that matter. And I went through public school and came out just fine (not to say improvements couldn’t be made). And I like having libraries and paved roads. And I don’t mind paying a school tax even though I don’t have children. HOLY HELL, I MUST BE A SOCIALIST BECAUSE I DON’T WHINE AND COMPLAIN ABOUT A REALLY VERY TINY FRACTION OF MY PAYCHECK BEING USED TO BENEFIT SOCIETY. BURN ME AT THE STAKE IMMEDIATELY!

      People who complain about taxes are immature assholes who have no idea how any level of government works. If we took away everything that taxes pay for, these assholes would be the first to complain about the disrepair of all the roads or that they can’t afford to send their kids to a fancy private school and there’s no public option available. Part of being an adult is paying taxes. And America’s tax rates aren’t the worst in the world. Why don’t you complain about politicians who waste the tax money on vacations or private jets instead? Maybe if they didn’t guzzle this “free money” down, it could be used to improve things that really need it, like education. STOP COMPLAINING ABOUT THE WRONG ISSUE, ASSHOLES. ARGH. Taxes do SO MUCH to make our lives easier, and people would rather whine about it than use their brains to think about it. And the only thing that makes something bad worse is when people complain incessantly about it. It’s like being stuck at the airport security line behind the guy who has to complain THE WHOLE TIME about how inconvenient it is to have to take off his shoes. Yeah, we all know it’s inconvenient. But your complaining DOES NOT HELP.

      Breaking news: Everyone thinks taxes, in general, suck. But they are necessary (no, really), so the fucking mature adults among us have learned to let it go. If you value your life, you will stop complaining about taxes, because I have about reached my limit when it comes to hearing (or reading) people complain about this. Do a little research into what your fucking taxes pay for, and then think how often you or someone you’re related to or someone you don’t know uses and benefits from those services, and then think how much harder everyone’s life would be without them.

      If your brain survives that little mental exercise of THINKING ABOUT SOMEONE OTHER THAN YOURSELF FOR TEN SECONDS, CONGRATULATIONS, YOU HAVE LEARNED HOW TO THINK LIKE AN ADULT.

      If not, no one is mourning your loss. Trust me.

_____

Oh, my bad. Did my fucking logic just burst your Conservative Crazypants bubble? It’s OK to cry. That way I know I’ve done my job.

If you’re a bully, you’re an asshole

Anyone with Internet access or a television has probably heard about the recent rash of LGBTQ teens committing suicide as a result of intense bullying. A lot of you have probably also read opinion pieces on it, ranging from intelligent and enlightening to belligerent and idiotic. I’ve been keeping tabs on this issue, it being relative and important to me for various reasons, and now I want to add my two cents.

I think the title of this post sums it up nicely, but let’s just be clear: IF YOU’RE A BULLY, YOU’RE A FUCKING ASSHOLE.

I think we all can agree on that. But if that were true, then there wouldn’t be bullies. Because nobody likes to think of themselves as an asshole. However, as we all know, a lot of people are assholes. So there seems to be a disconnect, because if I say a statement like that, everyone would agree. Or if I say “NOBODY LIKES AN ASSHOLE”, everyone would agree. Yet that clearly isn’t true, because all these assholes appear to have friends and family. I bet the parents of some of the bullies that picked on those LGBTQ teens are assholes too, so they clearly found someone who likes them enough to have a little family of assholes with them.

So let’s clarify: If you pick on someone for being different than you in some way, you’re a bully and an asshole. You’re also a fucking idiot, because everyone is different from everyone else in at least one way (and usually more like one thousand ways). And instead of shunning people for being different, which as we’ve established is idiotic, we should be glad that even though there are 6 billion of us, we all manage to be our own person. But even ignoring the cheesy factor inherent in that statement, the point is that if you’re picking on someone for having different hair or eyes or skin or teeth or sexual orientation or religious belief….it’s you against the world, then, asshole, because every single person you encounter will be different in some way. So maybe instead of trying to get everyone to conform to your narrowminded idea of what is acceptable, you should just shut the fuck up and mind your own business.

Who someone sleeps with or what god(s) they worship (or don’t) is nobody’s fucking business, first off. And physical features are all unchangeable factors that nobody should have to feel bad about just because a bully wants them to. Really, the person who should feel bad is the fucking bully, for being an ignorant asshole, and I think society should do more toward making those people feel just as stupid as they really are. It’s not the responsibility of the victims to change something in order to conform or blend in (yes, I have seen this proposed on a handful of blogs); it’s the responsibility of society to let bullies know their behavior is unacceptable. Because frankly, what we don’t need in this world are more bigoted assholes. What we DO need are more people who are proud of who they are, including embracing any true idiosyncrasies. Trying to “blend in” or hide who you really are is NEVER the answer, no matter what asshole bullies think. They’re the ones who need a reality check.

So I’m just trying to make it clear that bullies are assholes. Pass the word around, please, so I don’t have to make house calls. Next time you see someone being a bully, tell them they’re a fucking asshole and to cut it out. Remind them that NOBODY LIKES ASSHOLES. If that doesn’t work, point them in my direction. I promise I’ll take care of it.

I know I spend a lot of time on my blog ranting about things that make it seem like I want conformity in society, but I want to state outright that that is untrue. My rage mostly comes from a general lack of decorum, respect and awareness. I do not want everyone to be like me (that would pretty much be hell, I think); I do not want everyone to dress the same or act the same. I think we can all be individuals and still respect one another, and that is the source of my rants on this blog. I do not want my rants to be misconstrued as an attempt to make people fit a certain criterion. They’re just my personal pet peeves, and a lot of times I exaggerate them for comedic effect. BULLYING IS NEVER ACCEPTABLE. Don’t be an asshole.

Too bad it’s necessary for survival

Most of the topics I write about on my blog are things I find to be somewhat avoidable. If people just paid a little attention to their surroundings, and the other people therein, instead of being self-absorbed assholes all the time, I think I would be at least 50% less infuriated than I am in the current situations.

But there are also unavoidable things that really tick me off too, and today I’m going to talk about one of these: eating. Specifically, eating in public. Obviously, ingesting food is necessary for survival. And, as I’ve covered before, I love food. So I’m not saying people should stop eating around other people, because that’s an impossibility for countless reasons. But it doesn’t mean I have to find it enjoyable.

Because let’s face it: people are fucking slobs. Everyone is. I have never seen ONE person eating in public that didn’t make my stomach turn. The act of eating is just inherently gross, and it doesn’t matter if you’re eating a salad or a big greasy burger. All the rest of us can do is try and avert our eyes and focus on our own meal, knowing full well that we also look like gross slobs. Some people are worse than others, but right now I’m just talking about the general act of eating in public. There’s always crunching or squishing or spilling or swallowing or any of a plethora of other disgusting sounds that accompany eating. And while we’re generally unaware of our own eating sounds (although not always, and man does that kill my appetite really quickly), it’s impossible to ignore someone else’s, whether they’re a friend or some stranger sitting three tables away.

However, as I said, there’s nothing to be done about this, so I mostly just try to ignore it, for the sake of my sanity (hey, I never said all the things that pissed me off made sense). But then you get the people who are just over-the-top disgusting when they eat. One time, Significant Other and I were on the subway and a person sitting across from us was eating something gross (maybe fast food, I don’t remember) and belching loudly literally after every bite. AFTER EVERY FUCKING BITE. By the time we got to our stop I had lost my appetite for the rest of the night. It was one of the most disgusting public transportation encounters I’ve ever had (and I’ve been near people who don’t even try to cover their mouths when they sneeze. Hooray!). I understand some people have digestive issues, but I’ve never seen someone just blatantly disregard the people around them in order to wolf down a burger. If that were me, and that was an issue I had, you know I would fucking lock myself in my apartment before eating anything. But I understand not everyone feels such shame about these disgusting things (even though in this case the person definitely should have). And sometimes eating around other people, like at a restaurant, is unavoidable. BUT NOT ON THE SUBWAY. And these were not delicate, barely noticeable burps. They drowned out conversation and stank and UGH UGH UGH I think I’m having a terrible flashback, hold on.

Anyway, on top of the disgusting belching, this person also chewed with their mouth open. You could hear their lips smacking together and their teeth grinding and…okay, I have to stop now because it’s grossing me out just thinking about it again. My point is, if you HAVE to eat in public, maybe try not to be THE MOST DISGUSTING THING I HAVE EVER SEEN, OKAY? Ugh. It’s fucking public space, not your dining room, so learn a little decorum.

The other thing that drives me crazy is people who wolf down their food like they haven’t had a meal in three weeks and may never have one again. I’m a fast eater myself, but I still manage to have conversations during a meal and take breaks and BREATHE BETWEEN BITES, for example. I’m talking about people who are so focused on the food that it might as well be the only thing that exists in the universe. While that would be nice, it’s NOT TRUE. And eating that fast only seems to exacerbate all the problems inherent in the process (the noises, the mess, etc.), so it is EVEN LESS ATTRACTIVE THAN NORMAL, which is saying a lot considering how unattractive I consider normal eating to be. Now, if that’s truly the first meal the person has had in weeks, I won’t begrudge them the desire to cram it into their mouth as quickly as possible. But the odds of that being true are low, although not nonexistent. And if it’s at a nice restaurant, the odds are even lower. JUST TAKE YOUR TIME. Unless there’s something I’m unaware of, NOBODY IS GOING TO TAKE YOUR PLATE AWAY FROM YOU.

Luckily for the human race as a whole, but unluckily for me, this peeve extends beyond people and into the rest of the animal kingdom as well. You may remember Glutton Cat from my last post, and how aptly he is named. Well, watching him eat is almost as bad as being in a restaurant full of belchers and fast eaters would be. He pretty much inhales his food in about 20 seconds, making a huge mess that I then have to clean up, and making this gross smacking noise the entire time, probably because he’s sucking the food down so quickly. In that time, he also manages to get his bowl completely clean. I mean, it looks like it just came out of the fucking dishwasher. You would think I starve this fucking cat. So, he’s basically the worst combination of fast eater and noisy eater, my two most hated types. And I have to sit in the kitchen EVERY DAY and listen to/watch him eat, to make sure he doesn’t inhale the other cats’ food and the plates and possibly the entire kitchen in his haste. THIS IS SOME KIND OF TERRIBLE TORTURE and also why I don’t believe in God, because even a vengeful God wouldn’t be spiteful enough to do this to me.

Look. I know this is one of my personal neuroses, but when you stop to think about it I don’t think ANYONE could tell me that eating isn’t gross. Food is (mostly) delicious and I endorse eating it and enjoying it, but maybe SOME OF US (I’m looking at you, subway belcher) should keep to themselves when they eat. Nobody wants to hear your nauseating soundtrack.


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