Archive Page 2

Please stop abusing the hyphens

What-if we lived in a-world where people knew-how-to use hyphens-correctly? Can you-imagine how fucking-wonderful-that-world-would be? I can-barely-contain-my-excitement-at-the-thought.

Okay, I think I killed too many brain cells doing that.

One of my pet peeves related to grammar is hyphen usage, or the complete general ignorance of how to use hyphens correctly. I give a certain amount of leeway when it comes to these things on the Internet. The Internet is universal, so you can’t expect everyone to know every nuance of every language. So if I see a poor, abused hyphen, I’ll just cringe and move on. Frankly, even though I’m a copy editor for a living, I HATE when people have to comment on someone’s blog or another comment correcting someone’s grammar or spelling. FUCKING LET IT GO. Breaking news: In a casual setting like the Internet, it’s a fruitless argument. Sure, some people are impossible to understand because of the grievous mistakes they make, but trust me, it’s better that way. And odds are they won’t appreciate your nitpicking and you won’t educate them or change their minds. It will just turn into a flame war. LET IT GO. I do, even though some mistakes I see are just laughable.

But when it comes to my job, or business e-mails, I cannot STAND misused hyphens. What did the hyphens ever do to these people? Why do they have to be tortured like this and randomly stuck between words where they don’t belong or left out when they’re needed? PLEASE BE GENTLE WITH THEM. THEY’RE JUST TINY BITS OF PUNCTUATION. THEY CANNOT DEFEND THEMSELVES.

Now, I will admit that the rules of hyphen use are some of the most ambiguous around. But by utilizing a dictionary and a style guide, you really cannot go wrong. Some words always have hyphens in them, such as jump-start. Some words will only have hyphens when they are jointly modifying another word, like slow-witted employee. The general rule is that they should be used to avoid confusion or ambiguity. Now that can mean different things for different people. But it’s still not a hard rule to follow. While I might find the term sea-surface temperature to be ambiguous and thus need a hyphen, others might think sans hyphen—sea surface temperature—is just fine. Its presence or absence is not bothersome there. I’m talking about examples like in my opening paragraph, where the hyphens are serving no purpose and are extraordinarily annoying. STOP HARASSING MY EYES WITH UNNECESSARY HYPHENS, ASSHOLES.

For-example, you never need-a hyphen in a sentence-like-this-one. Ugh, typing that made me nauseous. I mean…I feel like anyone with even a most BASIC grasp of the English language—and this means everyone for whom it is a first language—should see why that first sentence is just vile, and it’s all because people insist on abusing the poor hyphens. If you’re not sure if a hyphen is appropriate, USE A FUCKING DICTIONARY. Sometimes they do belong in odd places (like jump-start; most people write it as one word). And there are some times you NEVER need them. You should never use them on an adverb that ends in -ly. So “perfectly laid plan” does not ever need a hyphen. STEP BACK. I SEE YOU EYEING IT. PUT THE HYPHEN DOWN.

But a little research on this can take you a long way. Most people don’t give two shits about their communication skills to even care; hell, if people can’t be bothered to type “you” instead of “u” (barf), I guess I can’t expect them to care about hyphens. But, frankly, I’d rather they NOT BE USED than be overused in the way that they often are. It verges on a felony, the way they’re abused.

I won’t get into all the time/reasons/places to use or not use hyphens, because this isn’t a copy editing blog. I’m just saying, if you have even one brain cell left, please put it to work learning how to use hyphens.

And don’t Even get me Started on random Capitalization of words. ARGH. I have to go lie down before my brain explodes.

George Carlin: The original anger ball

I’ve always been a fan of George Carlin, which should be a surprise to exactly zero people. I never got to see him live, and I haven’t seen all his specials or anything, but I like his comedy and I think he makes a lot of valid points.

So last week, Significant Other and I sat down with our instant Netflix and decided to watch one of his specials, George Carlin: It’s Bad For Ya. I don’t know why I never thought of it earlier, but as we were watching this special, I realized that George Carlin was the original anger ball.

Now, I’m not trying to claim to be as funny or as insightful as he was. I’m just saying that he is like my forefather in this endeavor to use logic to point out the bullshit that runs rampant in society.

It was during this bit that I had the realization, although it’s really the whole special that led to the light bulb going off in my head:

I think this pretty much sums up how I feel about people. It’s not just that they’re boring. It’s the stupid bullshit that gets overwhelming. But instead of just putting up with it or buying into it, I decided to start this blog to vent my frustration.

And of course we all know how I feel about Special Snowflakes. I think that’s essentially what this bit was getting at near the end with the “you’re the last winner!” bullshit.

This one isn’t from the same special, but for those of you that remember my rant against the “Protect the unborn” bumper sticker, you’ll know why this had to be included.

So thanks, George Carlin, for being the original anger ball. You make it a lot easier for me to think maybe I’m not crazy; maybe everyone else is.

Ho, ho, holy crap, you’re a jackass

People like to say that the holidays bring out the best in people. Goodwill toward others! Holiday spirit! Thinking of your fellow man!

Clearly those people have never gone shopping between the months of October and January.

I’m not saying the holidays aren’t nice and that some people don’t seem to be filled with good cheer around the end of the year. But after watching the umpteenth fight break out over a parking space or the last toy/game/console, it’s hard for me to believe that people, in general, are really embodying the holiday spirit. I don’t recall any holiday songs about calling someone an asshole, fist-fighting over a toy or threatening to have an employee fired. Just sayin’. Some people might be missing the point just a little. I saw a perfect example of that this weekend.

Significant Other and I made a decision this year for various reasons not to celebrate the holidays with gift giving or receiving. And let me tell you that was an excellent decision; it has helped keep my stress level around this time considerably lower than it normally is. However, my mom seems to be having a bit of a hard time with the idea that we don’t want presents, so I’ve been trying to figure out what to get her.

My mom collects unicorns, so after a couple of my ideas fell through, SO and I went to a toy store this weekend (mistake #1, I know) to see if I could find a silly unicorn thing to get for my mom. I ended up buying her the unicorn pillow pet because it’s so ugly that I thought it was kind of hysterical. I texted my sister, who sees my mom more often than I do, to tell her what I got. I paid for the unicorn and walked out of the store and got a text from my sister saying my mom had it already (which I should have known, because my mom buys herself so much unicorn stuff and pillow pets have been around for at least a year). So since we hadn’t driven off yet, I turned around and went back into the store to return the unicorn while SO went to get the car.

There were two employees working customer service and about five people in line in front of me. One of the employees was working fairly quickly through the line, but the other employee was dealing with the Women From Hell. It was a pregnant daughter and her mother, and the daughter’s toddler, who was about 4. The toddler was completely unsupervised and was walking around pulling all sorts of toys off the shelves and leaving them scattered on the floor near the entrance, and he was punching all the cardboard display cases. The pregnant daughter was too busy arguing with the employee to pay attention—she had a baby shower and got two of the same thing (because apparently her friends are too idiotic to work a baby registry) and one came “wrapped” in a bag from this toy store, so it must have come from there, but she had no receipt or proof. So the employee was trying to explain that she couldn’t do the return because she checked the woman’s registry and that item wasn’t on it. Meanwhile, the pregnant daughter’s mother (the grandmother) was happily chatting away on her cell phone, ignoring the havoc her grandson was causing around the store.

First off, you think ONE of the TWO women would have been keeping an eye on the kid. He was old enough to walk and run and thus could easily slip out of view, and neither of them seemed to give two shits. And the daughter was pregnant with another child. Breaking news: Maybe you should learn to parent your first child properly before popping out another.

The grandmother then got off the phone and turned to the employee, threatening to have her fired and generally being a supreme jackass, seemingly out of nowhere. From the parts of the encounter I saw, the employee was not being rude or anything, but apparently she somehow offended the grandmother by following store policy and explaining it to them in thirty different ways. Breaking news: Sorry, asshole, but the store rules can’t be rewritten just for you. Get over your sense of entitlement (and teach your fucking idiot friends how to use a registry!).

At that point I was second in line as the other employee continued to work through the other customers. And suddenly the two women behind me yelled out “Oh my god, whose kid is that?! He just went out the door!” They went running after him, and the pregnant woman turned around and walked after them like she was going for a fucking Sunday stroll when her FOUR YEAR OLD son just WALKED OUT THE FRONT DOOR and INTO THE PARKING LOT. He also walked out with a toy, although obviously he was too young to understand why that was also problematic. But I mean…this girl was PREGNANT and let her current child WALK OUT INTO THE PARKING LOT. I just…I was agape. The two women who ran out brought the kid back in and the mother FINALLY took his fucking hand and walked him back to the counter (meanwhile the grandmother was talking to the manager, who had calmed her down and was once again explaining store policy). I thought that that was the end, but as soon as the mother got back to the counter, she let go of the kid’s hand and said “Stay near mommy.”

Yeah…

…no.

Your kid just walked out into the fucking parking lot. And before that he fucking made a disastrous mess of the store. You need to put that kid in the cart and keep him in your sight AT ALL TIMES because he is TOO YOUNG TO UNDERSTAND. You can’t talk to him like he’s old enough to know why he should stay by you.

So of course as soon as the mother let his hand go, the boy immediately ran to the nearest shelf and pulled a toy down. He brought it to his mother and got her attention, but she told him no, he’s not getting a toy. So the boy THREW THE TOY ON THE GROUND and STOMPED ON IT. The mother didn’t DO ANYTHING ABOUT THIS. Meanwhile the manager explained to the grandmother that if they bring the item that is actually on the registry to return, they don’t need a receipt and just need a photo ID. PROBLEM SOLVED. Although this was ALSO WHAT THE EMPLOYEE WAS SAYING TO THEM. So you think that’d be the end, right?

No.

The grandmother says “That’s fine. But I still want that employee’s name.” So the manager writes it down and writes down the store number for them, and the grandmother reminds everyone that she’s going to have that employee fired. Really? Really, jackass? Way to show some fucking holiday spirit.

Like I said, the employee, to me, didn’t seem to be rude or short with them, first of all. Second of all, even if she WAS, can you imagine the hell that the past two months (or more) have been for her, working in a toy store around the holidays? And then she has to deal with Women From Hell. On top of all the other crazy shoppers I’m sure she’s had to deal with. And working ridiculous holiday hours. HAVE A LITTLE FUCKING COMPASSION. Or, you know, DON’T BE AN ASSHOLE. Even putting all that aside, I certainly wouldn’t have blamed her for being rude to those assholes even outside of the craze of the holiday season. They would have deserved to be treated poorly. In fact I might have cheered her on had she chosen to curse the Women From Hell out. I really wish the manager hadn’t given the grandmother any information about the employee and had instead said “I’ll handle the employee, don’t worry” and then done nothing, since the employee didn’t do anything wrong. Because honestly, no one who’s just doing their job ever deserves to be treated like how the grandmother treated the employee. So why should the employee have to have a complaint lodged against her, even if she doesn’t lose her job over it? That doesn’t seem right. But that’s why I can’t work in retail. I would be fired every day because I would tell a customer like that to go fuck themselves.

And then to top it off, as the grandmother, daughter and child left the store, they stepped over one of the toys the boy had thrown on the ground. The woman behind me said “Excuse me, isn’t that yours?” and pointed to the toy. The mother looked down at the toy and then said “Oh, he’s not getting that today” and then WALKED OUT WITHOUT PICKING THE TOY UP. I just…it was one of the few that she had seen her son remove from the shelves, so it’s not like she didn’t KNOW HER SON PUT IT THERE. I can’t imagine what her house looks like if she never fucking cleans up after her child.

The toy was right at my feet, so I picked it up and put it back on the shelf, to save some employee a little bit of work. Then the two women behind me and I talked shit about the Women From Hell right before I got up to finally make my return.

So, while I’m no Scrooge, I certainly am not naive enough to think that the holiday season makes everyone pleasant and wonderful. I’ve seen some grade A assholes, and I’ve talked about a lot of them on the blog, but these women are at the top right now. But instead of getting a blue ribbon or gold medal, they get a punch in the face and forced sterilization so they can’t pop out more rude, inconsiderate assholes. Now that’s a present for everyone!

Parking is apparently a task for geniuses

Since we moved out of cesspool city, Significant Other now has to commute every day for work. There is a bus nearby, but the tickets are kind of outrageous, so in the morning I drive her to the train (so we don’t have to pay parking, although with gas prices what they are it might be cheaper now), and I pick her up in the evening.

We have a pretty good system down for the most part. In the evening I get to the train station about 5-10 minutes before the train. I don’t park in a spot; there is enough space near the train platform for cars to wait near the curb and still allow other cars to pass by. That’s important because once people get off the train, cars are zipping past to exit the parking lot, and you never know when the person you’re waiting for will appear. So if you have two brain cells to rub together, you know you don’t want to block the aisle and cause a traffic jam if you’re not one of the first cars to leave.

On a normal day, it will look something like this:

I only have paint to work with. That + my crappy art skills produces this.

What the parking lot looks like when everyone is intelligent.

Here’s a legend: the ovals are cars waiting, the rest is the parking lot, with driving aisles marked by the arrows. Each aisle of parked cars in the lot is buffered by a giant planter with little trees in it, and people often park in front of those. Even with cars on either side of the aisle in this way, there is plenty of space for other cars to drive through. IT IS HARMONIOUS WHEN EVERYONE IS INTELLIGENT. We wait for our friends/significant others to get off the train and then we all drive off into the sunset happy as can be because nobody was a dumbass.

However, that situation is rare, really. Because now that it’s cold and dark when we’re all waiting at the train station at 5:45, people will often leave their cars running as they wait. I can sympathize, because it can get pretty fucking cold. But these assholes will also LEAVE THEIR HEADLIGHTS ON, which is not fucking necessary. Ever.

If I weren't blinded by your headlights, I would be giving you a dirty look.

You don’t need to illuminate the parking lot or the car in front of you or shine your obnoxious lights into my eyes for 10 minutes while we wait for the train. The parking lot already has lights. If there are any monsters or serial killers, you will see them coming. And the odds of them going after your car when they have so many others to choose from is pretty slim, anyway. JUST TURN YOUR FUCKING HEADLIGHTS OFF. I don’t know if people just don’t understand how cars work or what. Breaking news: You can keep your car running in order to stay warm and TURN THE HEADLIGHTS OFF at the same time. Amazing!

But even this qualifies as a minor annoyance. I can usually shift in the driver’s seat somehow so that I’m not blinded by the headlights, and I only have to wait for Significant Other for about 10 minutes, and then we can leave the idiots behind. And since I spend most of my days away from people now, I can put up with this minor annoyance even if it happens every day without blowing a gasket that often.

However, on the Wednesday before Thanksgiving, I encountered a driver so idiotic that I had to document it here. I still think about it sometimes and it’s been like three weeks. This person clearly did not have two brain cells to rub together and should under no circumstances be allowed behind the wheel of a car.

SO’s office closed early on the Wednesday before Thanksgiving, but I’m pretty sure so did everyone else’s, so I was expecting the train station to be crowded with cars when I got there, because it’s not only commuters but people who are traveling for the holiday. So when I pulled up for the 5:10 train, the parking lot was full, and there was a line of cars waiting at the curb and well into the first aisle.

This is the beginning of the idiocy.

As you can see in my beautifully illustrated depiction of this event, I decided I didn’t want to be waiting for SO halfway down the first aisle where she would never see me. So I decided to back up and go down a different aisle so I could park on the curb in front of the front car, where there was still plenty of space and I wouldn’t cause a ridiculous and unnecessary traffic jam.

It's too bad only ideas, and not the intelligence required to execute those ideas, are contagious.

Unfortunately, the SUV I was momentarily stuck behind in the first aisle thought my idea was BRILLIANT. Which…in and of itself isn’t a terrible thing; it was a pretty good idea. This way my car would be visible to SO and I wouldn’t be preventing people from backing out of their parking spots. BECAUSE SOMETIMES I THINK ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE AND NOT INCONVENIENCING THEM. The problem, as you can guess from the caption, is that the driver of this dumb SUV apparently didn’t realize why I had moved. This was what their brain came up with:

That is a terrible idea, asshole.

Clearly my wonderful illustrations aren’t to scale, but I made sure to do it in such a way that you can easily see that by parking where they did, the SUV blocked the way for any cars that might need to get through. And since there were still 10 minutes for the train, there were still other cars coming to wait for passengers. I don’t know what this asshole was thinking. It hurts my brain to even try and rationalize this decision. Why didn’t they just pull the rest of the way up to be in front of the planter, like a semi-intelligent person would do, thus freeing the aisle? Maybe they just wanted to be close to me again (maybe my intelligence attracted them like a moth to a light). Talk about taking a pretty good idea and fucking ruining it with ignorance. This is a perfect example. I had two reasons, already outlined, for choosing to move my car. This person clearly only had ONE reason: they wanted to make sure they would be seen by whomever they were waiting for. I mean, you have to be pretty fucking oblivious to not think “Gee, I’m in a parking lot. Maybe I shouldn’t block the way out with my PARKED CAR.”

The way this person parked, I could easily make eye contact, and you better believe that I did. I looked right at them and mouthed “What the hell are you doing?” before I started my car and moved it forward until there would be a way for a moving car to navigate around the two of us. BUT THAT SHOULDN’T HAVE BEEN NECESSARY. If this person had fucking thought about someone other than themselves, they would have realized they had just made one of the stupidest decisions anyone on the planet has ever made. Even thinking back on it now and looking at my fairly accurate illustration of the event is making me have conniptions and killing precious brain cells.

And let me tell you, the person this driver was waiting for, unsurprisingly, was NOT the first person off the train. Luckily there are numerous aisles for exiting, but that still doesn’t excuse or justify being a fucking dumbass and blocking a potential exit route. And I’m not talking about how it might be dangerous if there’s an emergency or something. I’m just talking about common fucking courtesy. It just makes it easier for everyone if every possible exit route is available, especially with the number of cars that need to get to the highway from the parking lot. So take your fucking head our of your ass and realize that your stupidity is causing a problem.

Of all the stupid things I’ve seen people do in parking lots, this is by far the most egregious. Hopefully I never run into this person again. If I do, I’ll be sure to keep all my decent ideas to myself so they aren’t tempted to ruin them with their blatant idiocy.

Bumper stickers are like an early warning system…

…for stupidity. This way I can tell without even meeting someone if they are, or are related to, a moron. Gauging intelligence is just about the only benefit that bumper stickers offer. And let me tell you, from reading some of the bumper stickers on the cars in this area, I’ve discovered that Significant Other and I unwittingly moved to Conservative Crazypants town. Hooray for us.

I’m just going to go one by one in convenient list form to avoid getting so worked up that my brain explodes. I’ve linked to images below, but they are not necessarily the exact bumper sticker I saw, although the phrase is exactly as I saw it (I may or may not have copied them down the minute I saw them. I ADMIT NOTHING).

  1. Keep Christ in Christmas.
      Significant Other can attest to the fit I threw when I saw this bumper sticker. This is just one of the most asinine things to come out of public discourse in years. It ties into my pet peeve of people in a majority acting like they’re persecuted. Breaking news: If you’re in the majority, you cannot be ostracized. It doesn’t work that way. So, Christians, sorry to burst your bubble, but nobody is trying to take “Christ” out of “Christmas.” 

      FIRST OF ALL, he wasn’t in Christmas to begin with. Let’s be serious here, okay? The only assholes who don’t know by now that “Christmas” used to be a Pagan holiday that was appropriated by the Christians are just in denial. So you can’t really take something out that wasn’t there to begin with. But for centuries now, Christmas has been what it is currently (maybe not with the crazy gift giving, but with the Christian religion, I mean), so even if we’re throwing the appropriation factor aside, there are still other issues.

      SECOND, nobody is trying to take “Christ” out of “Christmas.” If my memory serves me right, this fucking hoopla started when people wanted to say “Happy Holidays” instead of “Merry Christmas” to be all inclusive and not assume that the person they’re talking to is a fucking Christian. BUT FOR SOME REASON BEING INCLUSIVE IS A TERRIBLE THING! May we be struck down if we want to acknowledge the fact that there are other holidays that occur near the end of December! IT MEANS WE ARE TRYING TO PERSECUTE CHRISTIANS!

      Okay, read that paragraph again and then try to explain how it makes sense. You won’t be able to, because it DOESN’T. Trying to be all inclusive is just that—INCLUDING EVERYONE. “HAPPY HOLIDAYS” ENCOMPASSES ALL THE FUCKING HOLIDAYS, ASSHOLES. THAT MEANS CHRISTMAS TOO. So take your “Keep Christ in Christmas” bullshit and shove it, because it’s ridiculous.

      THIRD, and last on this topic so I can get through the other bumper stickers before I have an aneurysm, the people who want to say “Happy Holidays” in a department store just want people to have a happy fucking holiday regardless of their religion. Nobody is trying to remove the Christian religion from the sentiment of their version of Christmas. I never see bumper stickers that say “Keep Christ Out of Christmas.” It’s a non-issue. NOBODY IS FUCKING WITH YOUR HOLIDAY, OKAY? SO STOP ACTING LIKE THAT’S WHAT’S GOING ON. In other words, get the fuck over yourselves.

  2. Protect the Unborn. (Google images failed me on this one.)
      Ugh, this one. THIS ONE. I haven’t gotten around to writing my rant about abortion rights, but I’ll give you the short of it up front: I am pro-choice. Anyone who is not pro-choice is ANTI-CHOICE. They are not pro-life. If you’re pro-life, that should mean you are pro-letting people do whatever they want with their lives, meaning other people can get abortions if they want. But if you are anti-abortion, you are ANTI-CHOICE. You are trying to restrict other people’s lives and choices. 

      Now that we’re clear on terminology, this bumper sticker boils my blood. Mostly because the people who want to “protect the unborn” don’t give a shit about the billions of people who are already on the planet. Protect that lump of cells in some random woman’s uterus, but don’t provide universal health care or expand welfare or unemployment! Don’t help people who had that baby actually take care of it! These assholes don’t give two shits about the already born. They just care about imposing their personal beliefs on everyone else. Breaking news: Just because abortion is an option doesn’t mean you need to choose it. But it means that someone else can choose it if they want! FANCY THAT.

      I’m a big fan of the “it’s none of your damn business” concept. It’s none of my fucking business who gets abortions. It’s not going to affect me or my life, but it may help improve the life of the woman getting an abortion. So it really pisses me off when people try to stick their nose into someone else’s business pretending to be all concerned about health or safety or whatever, when really they are just self-righteous assholes who can’t stand the idea of someone else, anywhere, doing something they don’t like.

      And I’m sorry (no I’m not) if I think the life of the already-existing woman is more important than the current non-life of her (not a person yet, sorry folks) fetus. I’m sorry (again, no) if I think that a woman shouldn’t be punished for having sex by having to birth a child. I’m sorry (getting the sarcasm point now, I hope?) if I think women should have complete control over their reproductive health and use of their reproductive organs. I’m sorry that I don’t think there should be a law that interferes with women making their own decisions.

      Breaking news: Women are completely capable of making their own decisions and weighing their own pros and cons in any situation, including when considering abortion. And one woman’s pro and con list will differ from another’s! GO FIGURE; WOMEN ARE ALL INDIVIDUALS.

      So fuck off with your “Protect the Unborn” shit. Let’s first take care of the teeming mass of people already on the planet, and then we’ll talk. We’re not in danger of going extinct of our own volition any time soon.

  3. I Don’t Believe the Liberal Media.
      HOORAY FOR YOU; WOULD YOU LIKE A COOKIE? So what media do you believe, then? Because I was ALWAYS taught that taking everything I see on any news channel or in any newspaper at face value is AN EXCELLENT IDEA! So do you believe everything Glenn Beck or Rush Limbaugh or Bill O’Reilly spout out of their putrid mouths? THAT SOUNDS LIKE A GREAT PLAN. 

      Look. I’m not going to argue if the media is liberal or conservative, because it’s a futile argument that cannot be won. If you watch a news program and a comment is made you don’t agree with, you’re going to call them the opposite of what you are. Ideally the news would be fair and balanced, but anyone with half a brain knows that’s not true no matter WHAT program you’re watching. But taking what pundits say at face value without doing your own research and investigating to form your own opinion is just idiotic. Breaking news: Use your own fucking brain to form your own fucking opinions. CRAZY, I KNOW. Because pundits are paid to get ratings and cause drama, basically, and spout their own opinions. And a lot of them have opinions that aren’t based on facts or logic. And then that idiocy spreads like wildfire and people like me with an iota of intelligence are left to weep in the corner.

      So while I think saying the media is “liberal” is just laughable, my real problem is that the people who would put that bumper sticker on their car obviously didn’t think twice before doing so. Because guess what? FOX news, Glenn Beck et al., are PART OF THE MEDIA. So how can “the media” be “liberal” if THESE KNOWN CONSERVATIVE PEOPLE/STATIONS EXIST. Just…just something to consider, there. It’s not like FOX is an underground, unpopular station. It’s one of the highest-rated news stations lately. So, uh…hm. How can I put this politely? Your fucking logic fail is showing.

  4. Born Free. Taxed to Death.
      Boo hoo. You like to enjoy things like libraries and highways and public education and the fire department, but you don’t want to pay your damn taxes in order to get these public services. Woe is you! Your life is so hard! You have to pay taxes like every other fucking adult in America! 

      Suck it up, asshole. Pretty much by the time I was 12, before I even had a job, I knew that taxes existed and that someday I would have to pay them. Nobody LIKES to pay taxes, but some of us understand it’s a necessary evil. Because while I hope I never need my local fire department, I sure as hell want them available to me if I do. Or the police, for that matter. And I went through public school and came out just fine (not to say improvements couldn’t be made). And I like having libraries and paved roads. And I don’t mind paying a school tax even though I don’t have children. HOLY HELL, I MUST BE A SOCIALIST BECAUSE I DON’T WHINE AND COMPLAIN ABOUT A REALLY VERY TINY FRACTION OF MY PAYCHECK BEING USED TO BENEFIT SOCIETY. BURN ME AT THE STAKE IMMEDIATELY!

      People who complain about taxes are immature assholes who have no idea how any level of government works. If we took away everything that taxes pay for, these assholes would be the first to complain about the disrepair of all the roads or that they can’t afford to send their kids to a fancy private school and there’s no public option available. Part of being an adult is paying taxes. And America’s tax rates aren’t the worst in the world. Why don’t you complain about politicians who waste the tax money on vacations or private jets instead? Maybe if they didn’t guzzle this “free money” down, it could be used to improve things that really need it, like education. STOP COMPLAINING ABOUT THE WRONG ISSUE, ASSHOLES. ARGH. Taxes do SO MUCH to make our lives easier, and people would rather whine about it than use their brains to think about it. And the only thing that makes something bad worse is when people complain incessantly about it. It’s like being stuck at the airport security line behind the guy who has to complain THE WHOLE TIME about how inconvenient it is to have to take off his shoes. Yeah, we all know it’s inconvenient. But your complaining DOES NOT HELP.

      Breaking news: Everyone thinks taxes, in general, suck. But they are necessary (no, really), so the fucking mature adults among us have learned to let it go. If you value your life, you will stop complaining about taxes, because I have about reached my limit when it comes to hearing (or reading) people complain about this. Do a little research into what your fucking taxes pay for, and then think how often you or someone you’re related to or someone you don’t know uses and benefits from those services, and then think how much harder everyone’s life would be without them.

      If your brain survives that little mental exercise of THINKING ABOUT SOMEONE OTHER THAN YOURSELF FOR TEN SECONDS, CONGRATULATIONS, YOU HAVE LEARNED HOW TO THINK LIKE AN ADULT.

      If not, no one is mourning your loss. Trust me.

_____

Oh, my bad. Did my fucking logic just burst your Conservative Crazypants bubble? It’s OK to cry. That way I know I’ve done my job.

The Anger Ball vs. Wednesday: Pts. 22–25

I think that’s the correct count, anyway, including today. I’ve lost track (whoops).

I had a sneaking suspicion that Tuesday was taking up Wednesday’s gauntlet, because the past few weeks Wednesday has been oddly easygoing whereas Tuesday has been attempting to kick my ass. But today has thrown me for a loop. Wednesday apparently wanted to reclaim her crown as my supreme harasser, as I haven’t had a Wednesday like this in a long while. I don’t know if her and Tuesday are in cahoots or if they have both just decided to do their damnedest to take me out, but it looks like I cannot let my guard down ever. Next thing I know, Thursday will jump in on the dog pile too. I MUST BE PREPARED.

Also, my co-workers seem to be in on this mess, too. I don’t know if it’s the end of the year lethargy or what, but suddenly they all seem to have forgotten how to do their jobs, even the ones who are usually pretty good at sticking to deadlines, and so I’ve been working crazy hours to compensate. And then I’ve been sleeping in all my free time to try and make up all that lost energy.

I CAN NO LONGER STAND ALONE AGAINST ALL THESE FOES. I need allies. But who would stand with me, when my opponents are so great?

WE WILL SEE. WE WILL SEE.

The Anger Ball: 10
Wednesday (and Tuesday, and co-workers): 11.5

I guess common courtesy is lost on you

I have been such a slacker in making blog posts that now I have a whole list of topics to cover. Which I guess is good, because before I just ranted about whatever I was angry about at the moment and thought I might run out of stuff to talk about. Ha! As if I’m ever not angry.

Anyway, it should come as a surprise to no one that most of the time I’m pretty antisocial. If I don’t HAVE to go out in public, I won’t. It’s the only way to keep my rage in check. But once a year, I host a party. Halloween is my favorite time of the year; I’ve always loved making costumes, and so it’s an excuse even into my old age to dress up as whatever the hell I want. So I have a Halloween party, and I invite my friends.

Or at least I thought some of these people were my friends. But every fucking year, I have the same problem: over half my guest list never sends me an RSVP. Now, I don’t know French*, but I fucking know that RSVP means TELL ME IF YOU’RE COMING OR NOT. That means you let the person know whether your answer is YES OR NO. Why is this so fucking hard? It’s a fucking party, assholes. I’m going to be providing food and drink and good times. But it’d be really fucking helpful if you could tell me if you’re coming so I know how much shit to buy! WHY IS IT SO FUCKING HARD?

While I clearly invite these people because I would like for them to attend, I’m not going to be fucking offended if they can’t. I AM going to be fucking offended when they just blatantly ignore my invitation altogether and can’t even extend the courtesy of saying “Sorry, but I can’t make it!” You don’t have to tell me WHY, you don’t have to MAKE UP A REASON. JUST FUCKING REPLY. IT CAN JUST SAY “NO.” THAT IS LESS RUDE THAN NOT REPLYING AT ALL. The invites I send are digital, too. So there’s really no fucking excuse except that some of my “friends” are assholes. They don’t have to go to the post office or buy a stamp or anything. JUST HIT A BUTTON. What is the fucking world coming to when people can’t even be bothered to use their mouse to click a button on the computer screen?

I will say that some of the invitations I send out are more courtesy than an actual belief that that friend will attend. I have a handful of friends that live in other states, but I send them invites just to let them know that if they happen to be in the area, they are of course invited to my party. Them not RSVP-ing isn’t really what I’m talking about—there’s pretty much no doubt their answer is “No.” It’s my fucking asshole friends who live less than an hour away, where there’s a real possibility of them showing up to the party, that I’m pissed off about. This happens EVERY FUCKING YEAR, and then I always end up having people who never even acknowledged that they received the invitation show up at my door. Luckily I/my cousin/Significant Other always make WAY TOO MUCH FOOD anyway (it’s my Italian heritage), but THAT IS NOT THE POINT. THE POINT IS IT’D BE FUCKING NICE TO KNOW AHEAD OF TIME HOW MANY PEOPLE ARE COMING TO MY FUCKING HOUSE.

Breaking news: RSVP isn’t optional ever. If someone’s requested a fucking RSVP from you, RESPOND TO THEM. Otherwise you might get my fist in your face.

I mean, hypothetically the people that you invite to a party or a wedding or a baby shower are your FRIENDS AND FAMILY. So you think they’d be a little more inclined to respond than if you were a crazy person handing out invitations to strangers or some shit. I just don’t know why it became OK to be an asshole to someone who is supposed to be your friend. I mean, I can be a rude asshole myself, but I ALWAYS respond to invitations from friends for ANYTHING. Yes, even if it’s to decline the invitation. Because no one will ever convince me that it’s less rude to just ignore it than it is to decline. Ignoring it is like pretending that person doesn’t exist, which is pretty much THE RUDEST BEHAVIOR YOU CAN ADOPT. Declining at least acknowledges that you received the invitation and that you recognize your friend’s existence.

Also, just so we’re clear, RSVP-ing “Yes” and then NOT SHOWING UP TO THE PARTY is on par with not responding at all. I know that things come up sometimes and people have to cancel at the last minute, and that’s fine. BUT YOU HAVE TO ACTUALLY CANCEL. THAT MEANS LETTING SOMEONE KNOW YOU’RE NOT SHOWING UP WHEN YOU SAID YOU WOULD. Just so I’m not sitting around all night wondering if one of my friends got lost or mugged or something.

Oh, and telling me THE DAY AFTER THE PARTY that you were real sorry you couldn’t attend, when you never even acknowledged you got the invitation in the first place, is just stupid. Don’t even bother, because at that point I don’t give two shits. You couldn’t be bothered to even let me know the day before that you weren’t coming, but for some reason you found it necessary to tell me the day AFTER that you were sorry to have missed it? YOU ARE NOT FOOLING ME. At that point, you just have to live with the fact that you’re a rude asshole who doesn’t respond to your friends’ invitations. I’ve already learned to deal with it.

But you know what? I think I can turn this on its head. I’ll just stop inviting the assholes who don’t reply at all, and next year when they say “Hey, why wasn’t I invited to your party?” I’ll just ignore them.

Yeah, I’m petty. Ask me if I care.

*RSVP is an abbreviation for répondez s’il vous plaît. I don’t know why us classless Americans got into the habit of using it; I’m not a fucking historian.


Monthly Raging

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