Posts Tagged 'Inner workings'

I’m positively sure you suck!

Have you ever just had one of those fucking weeks? Where nothing seems to go right and everyone demands your attention at the same time and it’s just one damned thing after another, and the week isn’t even fucking over yet, what the hell?

That is the kind of week I’m having.

And then have you ever had someone try to tell you, when you talk to them about your shitty week, that you just need to think more positively and look on the bright side and life will be so much better! All it takes is a positive attitude!

Yeah, I had that happen, too.

It’s like the perfect fucking rage-inducing storm, right here. Some of you might have noticed me tweet, “I feel like I could stab everyone in the entire world right now, if that were possible.” It’s true. Sorry, friends, but in my fucking blind rage, I would not be able to distinguish between friend and asshole. It’s best to just stay away from me in these moments. When my rage meter is near the top, along with my patience wearing thin and people providing exactly the wrong advice, everyone near me better just find a bomb shelter, because I will explode, and my fury will not discriminate.

Because I think we can all agree that pretty much the worst thing you can say to someone who’s having a bad week is “Just think positively!” As if that’s some fucking magic cure to everything. Breaking news: It isn’t. Sometimes bad things happen, sometimes a lot of them happen at once, and I’m allowed to be fucking annoyed about it. Because I’m not saying good things NEVER HAPPEN. I’m just saying that right now, today or this week or just this moment, a lot of bad things have been happening and I’m fucking pissed. Don’t try and make me feel like it’s WRONG to feel that way. I know things are going to get better, or that good things happened in between the bad things. When I want to fucking pretend I’m floating on a rainbow, I’ll think about those positive things. But now is not that time.

And let’s face it: if just having a positive attitude were that easy, and could fix everything, nobody would have any problems. There would be no depression or drama, because everything could be solved with a smile and a shrug. But that doesn’t fucking sound like reality, does it? Because it isn’t. General positivity may help, but it isn’t a fucking solution to anything. And some people’s brain chemistry works against them, too, so trying to just tell someone to think positively is about as helpful and offensive as telling someone to pull themselves up by their bootstraps! Like they have to try harder at life or something. Look, I may get angry a lot at the fucking annoying things people do, but I recognize that everyone is allowed to live their life as they want* and that I can’t expect people, especially people I don’t know, to live up to my standards. But telling someone to just think positively has an implication that they aren’t already doing so or aren’t doing so to your satisfaction. Even if you don’t mean it that way and think it’s actually good advice. Can we just fucking agree that if you read this blog, you’ll never tell someone to “just think positively!” again? Trust me, it’s never what someone wants, or even needs, to hear.

Now that we’ve got that out of the way, I would like to add a little anecdote here that just happened to me and sort of exemplifies the week I’ve been having:

My sister called me last night as I was getting ready for bed and told me she had a document she needed to read that my mom’s computer would not open. She wanted to e-mail this document to me so I could read it for her. I told her I could do it the next day, as my computer was already shut down. Out of curiosity, I asked her what type of document it was. I figured it was something that required a special program and that was why my mom’s computer couldn’t open it.

My sister told me it was a Word document. I was baffled, because my mom has a PC that at least has notepad on it or something. But it’s old and slow, so for some reason it’s just having a problem with the file. Whatever.

Anyway, I got up this morning, did some work, and around 11 my sister e-mailed me the file. I opened it and read it, then pasted what the file said into an e-mail that I sent to her so SHE could read it, too. I texted her once I did this so she knew to check her e-mail. Her reply to me was, no lie: “Mom wants you to read what the letter says to me over the phone.”

I’m sorry, have I been transported to the fucking dark ages or something? This is a digital document that was sent via e-mail that I am now supposed to read over the phone to someone? I can’t be the only one who finds that ridiculous. Plus, I’m fucking busy with work. I don’t have the time for that, and my sister doesn’t need the information right this second; it’s not something that is going to change her life this very moment. So I texted her back and said I’ll also send the e-mail to mom, but that to tell her I don’t have the time right now to read it over the phone.

I also told her that it’s time for mom to get a new computer and cable internet (she has dial up right now, which…what is even the point of that anymore?).

But that pretty much sums up my week: people making ridiculous requests for my time when I have other, more important things to do and then getting annoyed when I can’t cater to their ridiculous desires. Doesn’t that sound like fun?

Yeah, not to me.

So I think my desire to stab everyone all at once is understandable. Luckily it’s impossible, so you all can sleep soundly tonight.

______
*I don’t want to get into the semantics here, about how someone living life the way they want may interfere with the way someone else wants to live their life (extreme example: someone wants to murder another person, but that other person doesn’t want to be murdered!). I just mean in the general sense, and within the rules of the society in which the person lives. So if someone wants to act like a fucking asshole all the time, as long as it’s not illegal, it’s their right even if annoys me when we’re sharing the same public space. They are able to do those jackass things, just as I am allowed to come home and blog about them.

Please stop abusing the hyphens

What-if we lived in a-world where people knew-how-to use hyphens-correctly? Can you-imagine how fucking-wonderful-that-world-would be? I can-barely-contain-my-excitement-at-the-thought.

Okay, I think I killed too many brain cells doing that.

One of my pet peeves related to grammar is hyphen usage, or the complete general ignorance of how to use hyphens correctly. I give a certain amount of leeway when it comes to these things on the Internet. The Internet is universal, so you can’t expect everyone to know every nuance of every language. So if I see a poor, abused hyphen, I’ll just cringe and move on. Frankly, even though I’m a copy editor for a living, I HATE when people have to comment on someone’s blog or another comment correcting someone’s grammar or spelling. FUCKING LET IT GO. Breaking news: In a casual setting like the Internet, it’s a fruitless argument. Sure, some people are impossible to understand because of the grievous mistakes they make, but trust me, it’s better that way. And odds are they won’t appreciate your nitpicking and you won’t educate them or change their minds. It will just turn into a flame war. LET IT GO. I do, even though some mistakes I see are just laughable.

But when it comes to my job, or business e-mails, I cannot STAND misused hyphens. What did the hyphens ever do to these people? Why do they have to be tortured like this and randomly stuck between words where they don’t belong or left out when they’re needed? PLEASE BE GENTLE WITH THEM. THEY’RE JUST TINY BITS OF PUNCTUATION. THEY CANNOT DEFEND THEMSELVES.

Now, I will admit that the rules of hyphen use are some of the most ambiguous around. But by utilizing a dictionary and a style guide, you really cannot go wrong. Some words always have hyphens in them, such as jump-start. Some words will only have hyphens when they are jointly modifying another word, like slow-witted employee. The general rule is that they should be used to avoid confusion or ambiguity. Now that can mean different things for different people. But it’s still not a hard rule to follow. While I might find the term sea-surface temperature to be ambiguous and thus need a hyphen, others might think sans hyphen—sea surface temperature—is just fine. Its presence or absence is not bothersome there. I’m talking about examples like in my opening paragraph, where the hyphens are serving no purpose and are extraordinarily annoying. STOP HARASSING MY EYES WITH UNNECESSARY HYPHENS, ASSHOLES.

For-example, you never need-a hyphen in a sentence-like-this-one. Ugh, typing that made me nauseous. I mean…I feel like anyone with even a most BASIC grasp of the English language—and this means everyone for whom it is a first language—should see why that first sentence is just vile, and it’s all because people insist on abusing the poor hyphens. If you’re not sure if a hyphen is appropriate, USE A FUCKING DICTIONARY. Sometimes they do belong in odd places (like jump-start; most people write it as one word). And there are some times you NEVER need them. You should never use them on an adverb that ends in -ly. So “perfectly laid plan” does not ever need a hyphen. STEP BACK. I SEE YOU EYEING IT. PUT THE HYPHEN DOWN.

But a little research on this can take you a long way. Most people don’t give two shits about their communication skills to even care; hell, if people can’t be bothered to type “you” instead of “u” (barf), I guess I can’t expect them to care about hyphens. But, frankly, I’d rather they NOT BE USED than be overused in the way that they often are. It verges on a felony, the way they’re abused.

I won’t get into all the time/reasons/places to use or not use hyphens, because this isn’t a copy editing blog. I’m just saying, if you have even one brain cell left, please put it to work learning how to use hyphens.

And don’t Even get me Started on random Capitalization of words. ARGH. I have to go lie down before my brain explodes.

George Carlin: The original anger ball

I’ve always been a fan of George Carlin, which should be a surprise to exactly zero people. I never got to see him live, and I haven’t seen all his specials or anything, but I like his comedy and I think he makes a lot of valid points.

So last week, Significant Other and I sat down with our instant Netflix and decided to watch one of his specials, George Carlin: It’s Bad For Ya. I don’t know why I never thought of it earlier, but as we were watching this special, I realized that George Carlin was the original anger ball.

Now, I’m not trying to claim to be as funny or as insightful as he was. I’m just saying that he is like my forefather in this endeavor to use logic to point out the bullshit that runs rampant in society.

It was during this bit that I had the realization, although it’s really the whole special that led to the light bulb going off in my head:

I think this pretty much sums up how I feel about people. It’s not just that they’re boring. It’s the stupid bullshit that gets overwhelming. But instead of just putting up with it or buying into it, I decided to start this blog to vent my frustration.

And of course we all know how I feel about Special Snowflakes. I think that’s essentially what this bit was getting at near the end with the “you’re the last winner!” bullshit.

This one isn’t from the same special, but for those of you that remember my rant against the “Protect the unborn” bumper sticker, you’ll know why this had to be included.

So thanks, George Carlin, for being the original anger ball. You make it a lot easier for me to think maybe I’m not crazy; maybe everyone else is.

The Anger Ball vs. Wednesday: Pts. 22–25

I think that’s the correct count, anyway, including today. I’ve lost track (whoops).

I had a sneaking suspicion that Tuesday was taking up Wednesday’s gauntlet, because the past few weeks Wednesday has been oddly easygoing whereas Tuesday has been attempting to kick my ass. But today has thrown me for a loop. Wednesday apparently wanted to reclaim her crown as my supreme harasser, as I haven’t had a Wednesday like this in a long while. I don’t know if her and Tuesday are in cahoots or if they have both just decided to do their damnedest to take me out, but it looks like I cannot let my guard down ever. Next thing I know, Thursday will jump in on the dog pile too. I MUST BE PREPARED.

Also, my co-workers seem to be in on this mess, too. I don’t know if it’s the end of the year lethargy or what, but suddenly they all seem to have forgotten how to do their jobs, even the ones who are usually pretty good at sticking to deadlines, and so I’ve been working crazy hours to compensate. And then I’ve been sleeping in all my free time to try and make up all that lost energy.

I CAN NO LONGER STAND ALONE AGAINST ALL THESE FOES. I need allies. But who would stand with me, when my opponents are so great?

WE WILL SEE. WE WILL SEE.

The Anger Ball: 10
Wednesday (and Tuesday, and co-workers): 11.5

I guess common courtesy is lost on you

I have been such a slacker in making blog posts that now I have a whole list of topics to cover. Which I guess is good, because before I just ranted about whatever I was angry about at the moment and thought I might run out of stuff to talk about. Ha! As if I’m ever not angry.

Anyway, it should come as a surprise to no one that most of the time I’m pretty antisocial. If I don’t HAVE to go out in public, I won’t. It’s the only way to keep my rage in check. But once a year, I host a party. Halloween is my favorite time of the year; I’ve always loved making costumes, and so it’s an excuse even into my old age to dress up as whatever the hell I want. So I have a Halloween party, and I invite my friends.

Or at least I thought some of these people were my friends. But every fucking year, I have the same problem: over half my guest list never sends me an RSVP. Now, I don’t know French*, but I fucking know that RSVP means TELL ME IF YOU’RE COMING OR NOT. That means you let the person know whether your answer is YES OR NO. Why is this so fucking hard? It’s a fucking party, assholes. I’m going to be providing food and drink and good times. But it’d be really fucking helpful if you could tell me if you’re coming so I know how much shit to buy! WHY IS IT SO FUCKING HARD?

While I clearly invite these people because I would like for them to attend, I’m not going to be fucking offended if they can’t. I AM going to be fucking offended when they just blatantly ignore my invitation altogether and can’t even extend the courtesy of saying “Sorry, but I can’t make it!” You don’t have to tell me WHY, you don’t have to MAKE UP A REASON. JUST FUCKING REPLY. IT CAN JUST SAY “NO.” THAT IS LESS RUDE THAN NOT REPLYING AT ALL. The invites I send are digital, too. So there’s really no fucking excuse except that some of my “friends” are assholes. They don’t have to go to the post office or buy a stamp or anything. JUST HIT A BUTTON. What is the fucking world coming to when people can’t even be bothered to use their mouse to click a button on the computer screen?

I will say that some of the invitations I send out are more courtesy than an actual belief that that friend will attend. I have a handful of friends that live in other states, but I send them invites just to let them know that if they happen to be in the area, they are of course invited to my party. Them not RSVP-ing isn’t really what I’m talking about—there’s pretty much no doubt their answer is “No.” It’s my fucking asshole friends who live less than an hour away, where there’s a real possibility of them showing up to the party, that I’m pissed off about. This happens EVERY FUCKING YEAR, and then I always end up having people who never even acknowledged that they received the invitation show up at my door. Luckily I/my cousin/Significant Other always make WAY TOO MUCH FOOD anyway (it’s my Italian heritage), but THAT IS NOT THE POINT. THE POINT IS IT’D BE FUCKING NICE TO KNOW AHEAD OF TIME HOW MANY PEOPLE ARE COMING TO MY FUCKING HOUSE.

Breaking news: RSVP isn’t optional ever. If someone’s requested a fucking RSVP from you, RESPOND TO THEM. Otherwise you might get my fist in your face.

I mean, hypothetically the people that you invite to a party or a wedding or a baby shower are your FRIENDS AND FAMILY. So you think they’d be a little more inclined to respond than if you were a crazy person handing out invitations to strangers or some shit. I just don’t know why it became OK to be an asshole to someone who is supposed to be your friend. I mean, I can be a rude asshole myself, but I ALWAYS respond to invitations from friends for ANYTHING. Yes, even if it’s to decline the invitation. Because no one will ever convince me that it’s less rude to just ignore it than it is to decline. Ignoring it is like pretending that person doesn’t exist, which is pretty much THE RUDEST BEHAVIOR YOU CAN ADOPT. Declining at least acknowledges that you received the invitation and that you recognize your friend’s existence.

Also, just so we’re clear, RSVP-ing “Yes” and then NOT SHOWING UP TO THE PARTY is on par with not responding at all. I know that things come up sometimes and people have to cancel at the last minute, and that’s fine. BUT YOU HAVE TO ACTUALLY CANCEL. THAT MEANS LETTING SOMEONE KNOW YOU’RE NOT SHOWING UP WHEN YOU SAID YOU WOULD. Just so I’m not sitting around all night wondering if one of my friends got lost or mugged or something.

Oh, and telling me THE DAY AFTER THE PARTY that you were real sorry you couldn’t attend, when you never even acknowledged you got the invitation in the first place, is just stupid. Don’t even bother, because at that point I don’t give two shits. You couldn’t be bothered to even let me know the day before that you weren’t coming, but for some reason you found it necessary to tell me the day AFTER that you were sorry to have missed it? YOU ARE NOT FOOLING ME. At that point, you just have to live with the fact that you’re a rude asshole who doesn’t respond to your friends’ invitations. I’ve already learned to deal with it.

But you know what? I think I can turn this on its head. I’ll just stop inviting the assholes who don’t reply at all, and next year when they say “Hey, why wasn’t I invited to your party?” I’ll just ignore them.

Yeah, I’m petty. Ask me if I care.

*RSVP is an abbreviation for répondez s’il vous plaît. I don’t know why us classless Americans got into the habit of using it; I’m not a fucking historian.

If you’re a bully, you’re an asshole

Anyone with Internet access or a television has probably heard about the recent rash of LGBTQ teens committing suicide as a result of intense bullying. A lot of you have probably also read opinion pieces on it, ranging from intelligent and enlightening to belligerent and idiotic. I’ve been keeping tabs on this issue, it being relative and important to me for various reasons, and now I want to add my two cents.

I think the title of this post sums it up nicely, but let’s just be clear: IF YOU’RE A BULLY, YOU’RE A FUCKING ASSHOLE.

I think we all can agree on that. But if that were true, then there wouldn’t be bullies. Because nobody likes to think of themselves as an asshole. However, as we all know, a lot of people are assholes. So there seems to be a disconnect, because if I say a statement like that, everyone would agree. Or if I say “NOBODY LIKES AN ASSHOLE”, everyone would agree. Yet that clearly isn’t true, because all these assholes appear to have friends and family. I bet the parents of some of the bullies that picked on those LGBTQ teens are assholes too, so they clearly found someone who likes them enough to have a little family of assholes with them.

So let’s clarify: If you pick on someone for being different than you in some way, you’re a bully and an asshole. You’re also a fucking idiot, because everyone is different from everyone else in at least one way (and usually more like one thousand ways). And instead of shunning people for being different, which as we’ve established is idiotic, we should be glad that even though there are 6 billion of us, we all manage to be our own person. But even ignoring the cheesy factor inherent in that statement, the point is that if you’re picking on someone for having different hair or eyes or skin or teeth or sexual orientation or religious belief….it’s you against the world, then, asshole, because every single person you encounter will be different in some way. So maybe instead of trying to get everyone to conform to your narrowminded idea of what is acceptable, you should just shut the fuck up and mind your own business.

Who someone sleeps with or what god(s) they worship (or don’t) is nobody’s fucking business, first off. And physical features are all unchangeable factors that nobody should have to feel bad about just because a bully wants them to. Really, the person who should feel bad is the fucking bully, for being an ignorant asshole, and I think society should do more toward making those people feel just as stupid as they really are. It’s not the responsibility of the victims to change something in order to conform or blend in (yes, I have seen this proposed on a handful of blogs); it’s the responsibility of society to let bullies know their behavior is unacceptable. Because frankly, what we don’t need in this world are more bigoted assholes. What we DO need are more people who are proud of who they are, including embracing any true idiosyncrasies. Trying to “blend in” or hide who you really are is NEVER the answer, no matter what asshole bullies think. They’re the ones who need a reality check.

So I’m just trying to make it clear that bullies are assholes. Pass the word around, please, so I don’t have to make house calls. Next time you see someone being a bully, tell them they’re a fucking asshole and to cut it out. Remind them that NOBODY LIKES ASSHOLES. If that doesn’t work, point them in my direction. I promise I’ll take care of it.

I know I spend a lot of time on my blog ranting about things that make it seem like I want conformity in society, but I want to state outright that that is untrue. My rage mostly comes from a general lack of decorum, respect and awareness. I do not want everyone to be like me (that would pretty much be hell, I think); I do not want everyone to dress the same or act the same. I think we can all be individuals and still respect one another, and that is the source of my rants on this blog. I do not want my rants to be misconstrued as an attempt to make people fit a certain criterion. They’re just my personal pet peeves, and a lot of times I exaggerate them for comedic effect. BULLYING IS NEVER ACCEPTABLE. Don’t be an asshole.

The Anger Ball vs. Wednesday: Pts. 20 & 21

I know in my last post about Wednesday, it looked as though I was throwing in the towel. But fear not! I was merely lulling Wednesday into a false idea of victory in order to give her a beating similar to the one she gave me that day.

I am pleased to report that two weeks running, I have slain the beast that is Wednesday. She has lost her allies to my cunning maneuvering, and now she must face me alone. And I must say, without her posse, she is not so formidable. I think she let herself get complacent, believing Tuesday or Thursday would always be there to back her up or even fight for her, but she was mistaken. I have no doubt that she’ll rally and strike again, but for now I will enjoy my back-to-back victories.

However, I cannot let myself be tricked into thinking every week will be this easy. I must never forget that Wednesday and I are locked in an epic battle that may never end. Bring it on, Wednesday. Bring it on.

The Anger Ball: 9
Wednesday: 8.5


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